a) your pants are unzipped
b) you have a “bat in the cave” (#1 & #2, but omw, NOT #3!)

I ask because Thursday I ran errands for hours…with my pants unzipped. I’m “ughing” again just remembering. Even my children didn’t tell me, I realized it for myself when I went to the bathroom after school pick up (they swear they didn’t notice, “Mom, no one saw…”). My mind is racing, trying to remember when I “went” the last time, knowing they had been undone half the day, trying to recall everyone I had talked to. The biggest embarrassment was knowing I had just had a lengthy discussion with our tile guy, I’m pretty certain we maintained eye contact the entire time. Let me believe this even if it’s not true.

So, I ask again, is ignorance bliss or do ya wanna know?

One of my more embarrassing moments was at Bath & Body last year, shopping at Christmas time. The rather hip college-age cutie working the register, in not-so-hip terms, told me I needed a tissue. Her equally dollish co-worker felt every bit of my pain and said incredulously, “I cannot believe you just told her that!” to which CAC says, “Well, she didn’t need to go around all day looking like t h a t–THAT would be embarrassing!” Me, thinking but not speaking: Ummm, hello girls, I’m standing right here! And yeah, I’m TOTALLY mortified, but in my cheek-reddened state, in a way that you can only appreciate because you’ve been spared even further embarrassment, I was grateful.

Rachel and I are tactful about this, we have a hand-motion-signal-thing going. If that doesn’t work, we usually just say “You might wanna take care of ‘things'” and by “things”, we know exactly what the other is saying.

But, noooooo, not my boys. Let this serve as a warning. Do not read further if you are grossed out by really disgusting little boy conversations this means you, Susan;) Ooooo, and Ree, I just remembered Grandma Iny (see May 2006) 🙂. I’m gagging just mentally recalling their conversation from Friday. Trust me, the faint-hearted will follow suit.

Rachel and I are in the front seat, Stephen & Thomas behind us. Rachel and I are having a nice convo, recapping her school day. The radio is providing nice car ambiance when we hear a disturbance behind our heads followed by Stephen LOUDLY protesting–

“Ewwwwwwwww. Grooooosssssssssss!!!”

He has our immediate attention. In stupidity, we ask “What?” jinx-style, but he would’ve told us anyway.

“Thomas just showed me a bloody booger…and then he ATE it.”

Roadside regurgitation by the driver followed that pronouncement. Immediately following is me thinking “HAVE I NOT TAUGHT HIM BETTER THAN THAT???!!” (gagwretchgag) My next thought was “At least it’s not smeared on the seat (more gagging ensues). Keep your eyes glued to the road…DO NOT LOOK BACK!

In spite of Stephen’s disgust, he finds this hilarious. Thomas is peacock proud and receives his audience’s reaction as ample reward for his gross out prowess . Rachel is just pleading “DO SOMETHING about them!” No wonder Calgon’s “Take me away” campaign was a raging success…every mom in America needed wanted to escape at times like these :/.

Anyhow, back to where I began, the saving grace of my XYZ dilemma…

…at least I wasn’t going commando” ;).

Pin It on Pinterest