Originally titled "Have I Lost My FREAKING Mind???!", this post was begun the week after Christmas (at least I planned to write it then). Now, I’m glad for the delay…recent events have made this "story" that much better.
This past summer, our family was terrorized by a family of rodents who took up residence in our kitchen cabinets and drawers, leaving their "calling cards" to taunt and tease, rendering the sacred place we COOK and EAT a veritable cesspool, reminding me, like a mini-but-just-as-ominous Big Brother, they were always "there"…somewhere (kind of like blog lurkers;) ). I wrote about it so much (here, here, here and here) Tad suggested I move on for fear I would become known as "The Rat Lady". I stopped writing after the second "kill", but if I’m not mistaken, when all was said and done, I caught and released or mercilessly snapped their necks like a dry twig cheerfully maimed and dismembered "trapped" nine. Yep, nine. I felt bad at first, becoming a mouse-murderer and all, but then I just got TICKED and had NO mercy, kinda like when Jack Bauer gets killed ‘cept he’s not really dead and he’s Lazurusing to kick some bad guy boo-tay. I changed diapers for over seven years, I sure as heck wasn’t interested in cleaning up–and DISINFECTING–what those STUPID mice left behind! DIE YOU MUTHAS! DIE!! (it’s all coming back…cleansing breaths…).
So, why bring it up now?
Thomas.
"What in the world does he have to do with your little mouse story? " you wonder.
It goes like this:
Stephen has been begging to set up his 20-gallon aquarium since we moved to Tennessee 3 1/2 years ago. (Stephen? I thought you said Thomas was the reason for this story.) (Gimme a minute, I’m getting to that.)
Because it needed various new parts, and I was too lazy didn’t want to figure out what, I stalled the way parents will stall when they don’t wanna do something. Wait the kid out til he forgets.
Except he never forgot.
This year for Christmas, on the recommendation from a little "bird", my in-laws gave Stephen a new 10-gallon aquarium kit with EVERYTHING he needed to start over (I voted for the smaller size because really, truly, bigger is not always better).
He was thrilled, I was thrilled, so after readying the tank for life aquatic, off to Pet Smart we go to buy fish. If I have one flaw (well, I have more than one, but this is the one I’ll concede today), it’s my well-chronicled inability to make a decision (can anyone say last year’s Book Meme?). There are maybe 150 DIFFERENT tropical fish from which to choose! Geezaree! Of course, the choices were Stephen’s to make, but let’s just say he inherited a bit of my indecisiveness. We looked at fish for an hour.
Meanwhile, Thomas and Rachel went exploring. Pet stores are good for that.
I should have known better than to give them that much leash…in a pet store…when Thomas had Christmas money burning an ever-loving hole in his pocket. Again, I say, "HAVE I LOST MY FREAKIN’ MIND?!" And note, it won’t be the last time I ask this, either.
About 30 minutes into Stephen’s fish expedition, Thomas comes running over. It helps to know Thomas, he’s an excitable kid with quite a flair for the dramatic. "Mom, can I buy two mice, they’re soooooo cute and I’ve got enough money to pay for the kit and EVERYTHING."
Me, not really listening to processing what he said replied, "No, Thomas." My attention remains on Stephen and the fish, I’m getting twitchy by this time, and off Thomas darts.
Ten minutes later, he’s back. "Moooooommm, you’ve GOT TO see them, they are SOOOOO CUUUTE." Now, Rachel chimes in in her matter-of-fact-big-sister manner, "Mom, they really are." Because I am close to hurting Stephen by now I’m beginning to lose patience with someone else’s indecision Stephen might make a decision more quickly without me by his side, I wander over to the rodent cages. (Say it with me, "HAS SHE LOST HER FREAKIN’ MIND?!")
Hamsters (long-hair, short-hair, black bear, honey bear, panda, dalmatian, and more), guinea pigs…and "fancy rats". What makes these rats "fancy" is beyond me, but wouldn’t you know it, they WERE the cutest rodents in the bunch! While the others were sleeping in their little litter burrows, these guys were PERFORMING! The KNEW they had an audience. Spinning and twirling, running and chasing, nibbling and climbing, they were BUSY.
U g h, (insert your favorite profanity here), my mama-Achilles heel had been assaulted with my son’s puppy dog eyes, his boyishly adorable enthusiasm and those entertaining little furry beasts.
I needed help. My answer was still "NO!", but Thomas knew I was crumbling. I HAD to get back to Stephen, so I thought I came up with the fail safe answer: I handed him my phone. Three words that Thomas understood would be the end of his little fancy-rat line….
"Call your dad."
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what Tad’s answer would be.
I was wrong.
And the story continues later, this is waaaaaaaaay to long for a post about friggin’ rats!
Yeah. So, that’s exactly how we ended up with our dog, Tucker. He’s housebroken now. But the puppy isn’t…quite.
Jack Bauer, you say?
hahahahaha, kids and parents 🙂
You write a great story… you had my attention all the way to the end. Looking forward to part two. (LOL… cleansing breaths!) Boys WILL be boys. Looks like we’re on the same page again Robin. :~)
This morning my husband asked me politely if I planned to post about raising girls. Huh?… Gee, I never thought of that. Well sure, I guess so. WE know all about US, don’t we? Or do we???
I read that they have a terrible rat infestation problem in Australia. My fav. croc. hunter Stevo (sniff) did a segment on it… I couldn’t believe the numbers! Creepy!
And here I am with 3 mouse traps set up because I opened the bottom of my stove and encountered a little cutie.
I could have clobbered it with the cast iron skillet but I jumped like a banshee.
You idiot! You better not tell me you let him buy the mice! Mice is mice, I don’t care how darned pretty they are. Death to all rodents.
Hey you just gave me a great idea for a post, thanks.
I will NEVER allow a rodent for a pet in my house. (oh, sure, you say – wait a few more years when the kids are older and their puppydog eyes have money of their own and “gee, dad says ok”)….WELL, I have a good excuse. See – cats and mice, they don’t mix. I will use that excuse…”but the cat might kill it – what a waste of money it would be then.”
But – I will allow fish.
Oh, Robin…I think you’ve been hornswaggled! 😉 I don’t think I could do the rat thing, but we have been the owners of close to 100 hamsters (not all at once) and they are endlessly entertaining. Especially when the boy hamster whispers in the girl hamster’s ear and the next thing you know, you have 18 baby hamsters running amouk. 😉
Your crazy, freakin crazy! ;O) Oh my, I think your hubby needs a good *cough cough* time out to get his thoughts together about the whole thing. Know wha’mmm sayin’?
AARRGGH! I ‘totally’ by-pass that section of the pet store. Nasty. Nasty. Animal. Rodent. Raton. Whatever. What part of NO do you not understand, son?
Rats are just giant mice with SNAKES for tails.
You have now entered the land of rodents AND reptiles all in one fell swoop.
Thank goodness I have all girls.
Oooohhhhh, NO! He didn’t betray you! How could he?
I live in an “animal free” zone. No pets. The only animals in my house are the VERY UNWELCOME variety. We have had 4 mice in this house since we moved in 5 years ago. I am now the Queen Mouse Catcher.
DITTO on the “fancy rats” comment. I’ve always called Chuck E. Cheese a “giant rat.” I can’t bring myself to calling Mickey that, though. It just doesn’t seem right.
P.S. Has your daughter identified the “mystery goo” from the other week?
Husbands, they sure can take you by surprise! I’m dying to hear the next part of this story.
We’ve got Trouble. Right here in River City. With a capital “T” that rhymes with “C” and that stands for “CRAP”!! Rodent crap.
Looking forward to the rest of the story!
well, at least they are cute and fuzzy…and in a cage.
Carol, rodents are NOT housebreakable, but that doesn’t stop them from USING MY HOUSE AS A TOILET >:[! Are you a fan of Mr. Bauer’s? You know Superman wears PJs with JACK’S picture on them, don’t you? 🙂
James, you laugh NOW, I will laugh AT YOU later (presuming I actually “know” you when your not-yet-born kids are tweens….) ;).
E-mom, I wish it was as much fun to LIVE my rodent-adventures as it is to WRITE them, lol. I’m glad you enjoyed! Funny that your hubby would say that, or is it funnier I’ve never thought about it before?
We’ll have to ask Willowtree about the Australian rat epidemic…he’s talked kangas and lizards, but I don’t remember rodents.
Pamela, Cast iron skillet, baseball bat, machete, .45, I’ve got a taste for (rat) blood…not that I’m violent or anything.
WT, did you just call me an IDIOT??? DID YOU JUST CALL ME AN IDIOT?!? Ummmm, stay tuned….will I be guilty as charged? Or exonerated on all accounts???
Karmyn, have you not yet learned NEVER to say “never” when it comes to stuff with your kids? If you haven’t, you will…I’ve eaten more than my share of “nevers” :/.
But I AM proud of you for allowing fish, since you’re scared of them and all ;).
First, I was an idiot, now I’m HORNSWAGGLED? I don’t think I’ve ever been THAT before, lol. But, OH MY WORD, Southern Girl, 18 BABY RODENTS–AT ONCE??? You’re a better woman than me, I can tell you that much! My skin is crawling at the thought!
MaryMert, Now THAT I consider a compliment :D. I’ll send Tad to his corner now…:).
Swampy, you used one of my most frequently used “mom phrases” (and the apparent answer is “all of it”).
Erin, GREAT, now I have an entirely new image in mind (and a case of the heebie jeebies).
Susan, here we go again, should it surprise either of us? THAT’S how I refer to Mr. Cheese, too. And when I’m worn out, Mickey gets a healthy dose of it, right or not.
Nope, I haven’t posted the answer to her “mystery mass”, but maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow; I forgot about it, lol….
Beccy, yeah, color me SHOCKED!
Stephanie, I love it, do you EVER stop singing?? I’ll be hummin’ all things “Music Man” all night!
Claudia, but when they AREN’T in a cage…well, see Stephanie’s comment–TROUBLE!
Geezaree, this comment was longer than the original post!
If this is too long a post about rats… I’m in trouble. I am actually writing a book about a rat. A children’s novel. :^D It might (when it’s actually in print… Lord willing!) do something unimaginable for you. It might make you love rats. Or at least A rat. Hee hee!
I posted a sneak peek of my first chapter a few months ago. You’ll have to stop by and read it some time. http://writer-mom.blogspot.com/2006/10/sneak-peek.html
Oh and I have story after story about rats. We owned them all throughout my childhood. I brought my rat to school in my pocket one time in 12th grade! heh heh!
Nan
get a cat… 🙂
I’m eager to hear the rest of the story. Willowtree is right – say no to rodents. I have enough wild critters (mostly small snakes) finding their way into my apartment without buying more.
Hi found you via my daughter I shall be back for the next instalment of your amusing post
Nan, AN ENTIRE BOOK ABOUT RATS??? Perish the thought! Then, again, one of my favorite childhood books was about a spider, but they still scare the ever-loving snot outta me… (and, note to self: GO READ THAT FIRST CHAPTER!)
Claudia, Callie thinks she’s supposed to eat only the OUTSIDE rodents, the inside ones are completely safe. Do you know of a good cat trainer?
Mark……DOESN’T IT SCARE YOU TO WONDER WHAT CREVICE THEY’RE CREEPING IN FROM?? YIKES! SNAKES!!! The only thing that gives me more heebie-jeebies than rats and spiders…!!!!
WELCOME Chris! Glad Beccy putcha on to me ;).
what a great story.. you make me laugh my head off with all your strike-outs..lol
You had to bring up the snakes…
Um, Robin, have you freakin’ lost your mind?
Tonya, I love the strikeouts, too (not just in my post, but being able to “hear” what bloggers are REALLY thinking!).
Heather, snicker….snorts…I DIDN’T BRING UP NO STINKIN’ SNAKES! I just commented on the comment!!! (more snickers)
LOL..no…I think our cats have the same mindset…actually, mine is one step closer to being a true wimp cat…in Baltimore, when I had either a rat or mouse problem, every once in a while you could here them in the wall (before I finally got rid of them…) She would look at the wall…look at me and meow like, “aren’t you going to do something?” Then, she would slowly back away, and then leave!!! But crickets didn’t stand a chance!