This has become my Fun Monday post, ladies and gentlemen. When you have time, please read Part One and Part Deux for a complete telling of this story, one of my favorite memories (in spite of the pain, lol).
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Show day arrived and nervously excited J and I headed up Highway 17 to the big city: Myrtle Beach.
Myrtle Beach…the epicenter of the Grand Strand…perhaps better known (IMHO) as The Redneck Riviera. If you’ve visited in recent years, you’ve seen a different place than almost 20 years ago. Now, they’re cleaning up their act; then, well…an inexhaustible (but exhausting) supply of high-rise hotels accessorized with lowbrow low-rises in between, marginal restaurants, fish camp after fish camp (did you even know fish go to camp?), kitshy tourist destinations (i.e. "The Gay Dolphin"), and more tee shirt shops and tattoo parlors than you could visit in a lifetime.
This should have been a clue as to how the day might progress. Sadly, my eyes were blinded to the "what-ifs" and ALL I could see was a means to have my hair permed……..for FREE!
A hair show like this takes place in a hotel ballroom. Perhaps two dozen women joined J and me in this hair-venture, and all of us were palpably excited about our upcoming role in this production. There were styling stations set up and the ballroom was loosely transformed into a beauty salon.
A frenzied pace marked the stylists who, with limited time, had to wave their magic scissors to produce styles and services for their victims models that would cause the stylists attending the show to want to buy EVERY product Matrix had to offer. There was an energy, a static charge to the air, as we eagerly awaited our turn for the stylists to have their way with our soon-to-be model-y manes.
Perhaps this is a good place to point out we were most certainly NOT customers; our preferences didn’t even register on their radar. Even though we had our own personal agendas (cool hair cuts, free products and modeling debuts), their agenda was the one that counted.
My treatment began with wetting (not washing) my hair and then beginning the perm roll-up. They used 972 perm rods on my hair; this might be a slight exaggeration, but it seemed like they rolled only 20 strands of hair per rod. As all of you poor souls know (those of you who’ve had a perm), the next step is applying the chemicals and waiting for them to process. This should take no more than 30 minutes, right?
Hmmmmm, I wonder what happens if it processes for close to an hour?
As mentioned earlier, the show stylists were moving quickly, cutting, curling, coloring and a lot of other things that don’t begin with "c". They "got" to you when they "got" to you. Because I knew I had processed for quite a while, I finally asked someone, who with a look of horror sent me to the hotel bathroom for a rinse. Did you get that? Look of horror…hotel bathroom. I STILL was naive about what was going on.
I get to the bathroom, the show attendants there offered the encouraging comments, "You should’ve rinsed long before now…" and I began to worry a bit. I stuck my head in the sink as two staffers worked quickly to unroll my hair…they rinsed and rinsed and rinsed, but you’re limited in a small sink meant for washing hands, not heads.
I looked up, and ignorantly pleased, saw a wet curly mop. Lots of wet curls.
Next, it was time for my "temporary" color. At the time, Matrix had a color product called "Prism"; it was supposed to wash out in 6-8 shampoos. I was excited about this part, because I had never before colored or highlighted my hair. As I mentioned in "Part Deux", they wanted to color my hair red (I do actually have natural auburn highlights), but in response to my reluctance, they conceded a color mix that sounded like blond highlights. Do you remember me mentioning above THEIR agenda? Golden Copper Shimmer or Honeyed Chestnut probably sounds "blond" ONLY to someone who’s looking for it.
After color processing a reasonable amount of time, I was sent back to the bathroom sinks. Again, I saw a million curls, but wet, it was difficult to see the color change. The next step was the most anticipated one–having my hair s t y l e d!! I couldn’t wait!
It was a simple blow dry, head turned upside down, diffuser intact, so as not to straighten the curls. Believe me, there WAS no way to straighten those suckers–they couldn’t even get a comb or brush through my hair, so it was styled by fingertips. There weren’t large mirrors in front of the styling stations, so the only time I saw myself was in the hotel bathroom. I was positively giddy with seeing the end result of these ultra professionals who were transforming me into a M O D E L!
Please laugh right now, I just did.
The penultimate and ultimate steps in show preparation were make up and wardrobe. The show was to take place on a stage and runway, so yes, they applied clown callgirl worthy stage make up. It was heavy-handed and anything but natural, but since all the women in the show were painted similarly, misery was lovin’ company.
The multiple processes they used on my hair meant I was one of the models who took the longest to complete. All morning long I had watched girl after girl complete their treatment, and then be given the cutest outfits. Several of them advertised Matrix products; and remember, this was the late 80s, so think Madonna, aka Material Girl, and Flashdance, ripped, oversized sweatshirts. I bet there were even some "costumes" with legwarmers, but I don’t remember now…most of the day is a repressed blur.
And then I get my "wardrobe"…my "outfit"…my costume. Did someone forget to tell me it was Halloween at the Playboy Mansion??? My balloon burst and my spirit sank and I realized I was nothing more than a pawn in a game that had already been won by my opponent–who had an agenda, that was NOT in accord with mine. And I think right then and there, any sense of fashion and common sense I had was rendered a deafening blow from all the chemicals that had been applied to my head and apparently osmosised into my brain.
My "wardrobe" was evening wear. At the time, I was a size two, about 110 pounds on a close to 5′ 5" frame. The camisole top and skirt were a size 8 or 10. The skirt should’ve rested at my waist, but it dropped to what today would be considered "normal" lowrise; it felt WRONG then. The camisole just barely covered the waistband, and if I had raised my arms, my mid-drift would’ve been exposed. Again, 1988, this was NOT yet the norm it is today. I slipped the camisole over my head and I was HORRIFIED! I COULDN’T GO OUT IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE A HOOKER! I could’ve had Vicki’s Double D’s and STILL had room to spare!
I wanted to bolt and run, but several things kept me tied to the venue: 1) J said she’d kill me if I left; 2) we signed a contract that stated in exchange for services and products, we’d participate in the show; if not, we’d be liable for the full cost of the services rendered; 3) I was plain stupid.
The CRAZY thing is EVERYONE was lying through their mealy teeth telling me how GREAT I looked! I had gone to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I did NOT recognize the scary, skanky lady staring back at me. Although it felt much like a case of "The Emperor”s New Clothes", I was realistic enough not to buy the press.
In the end, I caved complied. The rest of the day was a blur. I vaguely remember being on stage, sitting in an elevated chair, under the illumination and heat of a spot light. A stylist talked about the various processes used to create my style (every time I use that word, I feel like a liar), and then I had to walk the runway, strolling among the show attendees, letting them get an up-close-and-personal look. With every fiber in my being, I prayed that my top would not slip down (I had pulled it down in back as far as I could before stepping onto the stage). I am rather certain as the audience members looked at the tag on my wrist (used to identify all the colors and processes used on me), their fast and furious note-taking was NOT to record an application to repeat on their esteemed customers–they were surreptitiously recording a cosmetologial game plan to execute on their worst enemies!
Once I left the stage, we waited around for everyone else to finish, and then we got our goodie bag of treats. THIS, my friends, was a life-long-lesson-learned in "you get what you pay for"…"if it sounds too good to be true, it IS too good to be true". I never have taken this kind of bait again.
Tad’s response was memorable when I got home. This was pre-cell phone, so I couldn’t call him to warn him in advance. Remember, we had been married about six months. I walk in the front door where he’s anxiously waiting to see me, and, with jaw dropped to his knees, he said in a somewhat sympathetic, pained-for-me voice, "Why did you let them do that to you?" I think I mumbled something like "How was I supposed to know…" and flew up the stairs to my bathroom, where I immediately got in the shower and shampooed my hair 6-8 times. The water draining in the tub was orange…I was hopeful until I got out and began drying my hair. 1) In spite of using conditioner, I still could not get a brush through it; 2) as I examined my scalp, there were multiple burns on it (the effects of which lasted for
y e a r s!); 3) the color was NOT temporary, it lasted for weeks, I think months, even. I guess because my hair was so porous from the perm chemicals, it absorbed every bit of color applied. The color was wretched…it was a rusty, nasty, never-occurring- in-nature orange, and NO ONE in their right mind would EVER choose it!
So there you have it. My WORST hair story EVER! Definitely NOT my ONLY bad hair day, but it was a "day" that lasted for months. And I know you’ll NEVER believe me, but this was NOT what I had in mind when I suggested this week’s theme for Fun Monday, lol. I honestly intended to write this Friday, but it took on a life of its own and morphed into the Energizer Bunny of blog posts…it just kept going and going…
I’m sorry, please forgive me.
I know you’re only interested in these. So, here…let me upload them for you. But be kind to me… remember, I was scalp- and ego-wounded in the making of these pictures.
Your friends shirt says it all. VAVOOOOOOM!!!
I remember when that look was to die for. You nearly did.
Your smile would never give away your disappointment.
Pretty as ever.
What a fantastic story! Definitely worth the wait. After all that treatment, I’m glad you’re hair didn’t just fall out! I remember envying girls with curls like that. . .shudder.
Poor you, did you wear a hat for the following few months!
Your poor fried hair! Your poor ego! Great story though.
First of all you have a beautiful smile. Secondly I was waiting for you to tell me your hair fell out because it was in the curls so long (seriously!!!).
Sure you may look a bit like Annie, but you have an awesome story to tell.
And if you are still that skinny, I may have to rethink our friendship (just kidding girl!!)
OMG! The funny thing is – I remember WANTING to have hair like htat. My best friend did – and she kept it that way for year – only to result in her hair breaking off in pieces by her last perm….and her crying in horror.
-=
Pamela, I can always…always s.m.i.l.e. 🙂 It does a body good ;).
Sabrina, thank you… I meant to write that “at least my hair didn’t fall out”, but honestly, starting and stopping this story half of a half a dozen times caused me to write it a bit differently had I been able to write it all at once.
Beccy, No hats, only because 1) I’ve never been a hat girl (except in “dress-up”), and 2) I don’t think that hair woulda fit! I did wear it in barrettes a good bit, and I think in a pony tail. I was embarrassed to see anyone I knew for a long, long time. I remember walking into my boss’s office, too (his wife was the friend who went with me), and he did his best to keep a straight face and say something encouraging. I think it was something like, “It’s not that bad…”. Yeah, r i g h t!! 🙂
Gina, I’m just thankful it’s 19 years in my PAST! That’s what makes it a great memory NOW. Then? Ugh…I was wishin’ for invisibility…:/.
Laurel, Nope, not that skinny but about two years ago I got down to 114! Long story, but let’s just say I’m better off now than I was then ;).
But I WILL get into my wedding dress again in commemoration of our 20th anniversary in November. One way…or another! 😉
Karmyn, you snuck in :).
Yeah, I wanted “hair like that”, too…Be careful what you SELL YOUR SOUL for :/.
Whew! THAT was a lot of curl! You look beautiful though! Love that smile!
Robin – not only did I sneak in, but snuck out. I wasn’t quite done with my comment when suddenly my computer when started blinking….Buttercup, the little
devilangel hit the “Power” button on me.I can’t remember now what else I wanted to say….I had to play “pippi Longstocking for a while”
Wow… Just wow. That is faintly reminiscent of Nicole Kidman in that Far and Away movie.
Great story to go with the pics! Man, you could hide some things in those curls! Candy for the movies etc…….
Thanks, Suz :)…the smile part.
Karmyn, I wondered what that little symbol at the end of your comment was all about.
Heather, is that some kind of veiled compliment? Glad you popped in, I’m a huge fan of our mutual friend, except you REALLY know her 😉
Nikki, who told you my secret! lol 🙂
Yes. I too once wished for hair like that.
Yikes.
Great story……
(and I agree with everyone here in saying your smile is bee-u-tah-fuwl!!)
Poodle-do’s: I remember riding across town kissing the floorboard of my mom’s car because I was so embarrassed to be seen by ANYONE, even the other drivers on the road. I cried for a day or two.
I think these pictures are quite nice. Your hair is actually more timeless than your friend’s. Whoa, talk about vintage 80’s!
Here’s to keeping your dress pulled up. 😉
I love it. You look just like Geena Davis looked back then! I want good hair like that!
From the outside it all looks pretty good.
Erin, call me Fifi ;). And funny, “timeless” is something I never thought to call that “Don’t” (as opposed to “Do”), but you’re right, J’s is clearly 80s, while mine? Ummm…you tell me ;). As for the dress, I’m afraid it’d fit better now than then.
Min, Dang, I wish I had Geena’s LEGS not hair! But thanks :).
Vegas Joe, it’s cause if you really live in Vegas, the make-up is about par…! 😉
Although the hair may be a bit much, you are beautiful. The burns on your scalp must have been very painful.
Although the hair may be a bit much, you are beautiful. The burns on your scalp must have been very painful.
LOL!!! ROFL!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Your story was just as much fun as the pictures! I LOVE IT!!!!! I guess it could have been worse – you could have walked down the runway with your skirt stuck in your pantyhose (remember Julia on Designing Women?)
P.S. I asked Golden Boy if he liked your hair, he said “Well, it looks a little curly.” A LITTLE?
LOL!
But you still look beautiful! And, no, I’m not just saying that.
I better post my bad hair photo–almost forgot!
What an ordeal! Glad you survived to tell the tale!
PS You’re cute even with fried hair and clothes that look like they belong to your mother. hehe.
Very interesting, in a Dianna Ross meets Michael Jackson kinda way.
MJD, I just realized I haven’t seen YOUR pics…how did I miss them? There were red burns that flaked over and over and over…it happened for several winters when it was really dry; it was as if there was permanent damage ;).
Golden Boy, the master of understatement ;).
Susan, if that happened I repressed it even further! Glad you were laughing AT me!
Kila, I checked several times earlier today for yours, I’ll check back in as I’m able :).
Karen, NOW I’m thankful for the “story”…then, I probably wanted to wear a bag over my head :/.
WT, If I could only SING like either or both of them, I could take the “look” forevah!
OHMY Hair! Mind boggling curls. That is gorgeous hair for a “bad hair day”. What do you look like on a good hair day?
Ok, it is a bit.. voluminous, but it is still fabulous.
wow…that was definitely the 80s!! and to think the 80s are back….you’re still gorgeous though.. I think they were jealous.
Too funny! I remember hair like that. And wanting hair like that. Now people do everything in their power to get it straight. Wierd.
Ok, I’ve seen WAY worse hair, and while the outfit was obviously too big, definitely not hooker quality! You still looked gorgeous!
Dear robin. OK that colour doesn’t look too bad in the photos but oh my goodness, those curls? YOu poor thing… Great story! Definitely worth waiting for.
Those pics remind me of Elizabeth Berkeley from Saved By The Bell 🙂
Marnie, I woulda loved to see a bad hair day for you, it would’ve been 3 shades of CUTE, I just KNOW it!
Claudia, you mean the stylists? Like they wanted to “hoe me up” cause they were jealous of my perky personality and 28-tooth smile? Or skinny, flat-chested bod? Or perfectly fine hair BEFORE they touched it? lol The 80s look better this time around :).
Kelly, Gosh, I guess I DID want “hair like that”–what was I thinking???
Tracey, what about “lady of the evening”? “Paid escort” When I saw what they had for me to wear, I BEGGED for something else, anything else! They stuck to their guns…but I still think they were nuts to put ME in THAT!
Dear Little Miss Moi, the color got worse with time! As I washed it out, it looked rustier and rustier, not a shade ANYONE in their right mind would choose. Glad you didn’t mind the wait too much :).
Hi Princess Banter :). You know, if I’m remembering correctly someone in my past told me I looked like her…I’m sure it was the “Saved by the Bell” years, NOT during the “Showgirls” fiasco!
I’m here. In your comments section. To post a comment. But no words come. None at all.
I know, Heather…I know :/…
If only I had pictures of my perm days….you would surely laugh.
Who’s hosting next week?
Despite the trauma and big hair, I think you look lovely.
Just now getting around to the Fun Monday crew!
That is a whole lotta hair! I’m not sure if it qualifies as “bad hair” though.
Do we know who’s hosting next week?
Hey guys, Julie at Another Chance Ranch is (her link is in the Blogging Chicks blogroll on my right sidebar, but I’ll be posting her link in a post tomorrow!
Amy, you could draw a picture for us :).
Chris, I think you’re seeing with rose-colored glasses or something (but you’re sweet 🙂 ).
Bethany, trust me, it was VERY bad hair!
I was trying to find Payday usa! But for some reason redirekted here!?