voluntarily committed a masochistic act administered by a sadist had my annual mammogram. I've been at it for over 15 years, beginning early because I lost my mother (38) and my grandmother (early 20s) to breast cancer, and my sister is an eight (??) year survivor (wahoo!) :). Donna couldn't have been a more gentle or sweeter technician, she's grandmother- saccharine, the type that makes sugar taste sour. She used a "MammoPad" without my asking, I guess because I called the b.s. card on the advertisement they had in their office, claiming that with one of these pads, a woman said it was as gentle "as walking on a cloud". R i g h t. Must've been a hail-storming, lightning-striking thunder cloud.
Anyways…I couldn't help but think of my friend, Swampy. The Swampwitch is a breast cancer survivor, and this post is worthy of your time (as are her additional links). Read it. Pass it along to someone else who needs to read it.
In honor of all this breast talk, I thought I'd finally write a Top Ten in honor of them…one for us SMALL girls, who NEVAH get any of the attention for our diminutive size. Double Ds, take a seat…I'm giving you a break (and permission) to sit on the sidelines and laugh WITH us…;). This is NOT politically correct, I mean no ill will toward my bigger-busted friends. I'm not jealous…I was for 25 years, toyed with "enhancement" for almost as long, but FINALLY have come to the place where I'm content with the way God made me.
Top Ten Reasons I'm Glad to be
flat-chested small-busted an "A" Girl
10. There's always a chance they'll film of remake of Shakespeare in Love and will need a new actress to assume the role of Gwyneth Paltrow's Viola De Lesseps. Remember the scene where she was "unbound"? Wouldn't have worked so well on Pamela Anderson…those big boys could never have been harnessed.
9. No one will ever look at you and whisper out of the corner of her mouth and say, "Are THOSE real?".
8. You will NEVER give anyone whiplash when they see you jogging, playing tennis or jumping on a trampoline. Nope, no lawsuits (anyone thinking Sue Ellen Mischke?)
7. You make the bra-gineers at Victoria's Secrets work harder…there wouldn't have been a need for Miracle Bras and gel-curve shaping without the A-team and think about all the money they would've lost. Almost makes you feel sorry for 'em (naaaah).
6. Potential millions to be made from a class action discrimination lawsuit against Hooters.
Thousands Hundreds dozens of Hours saved doing monthly breast exams…it just doesn't take that long.
4. When you're a bit more "mature", and your friends complain about being able to roll 'em up and stuff 'em in a tube sock, or tuck them into their waist band, your expression will be vacant…you'll blink.blink. And you will not be able to relate in the least. Gravity will be your friend, not your enemy. Yours will pretty much be where they started…unlike your "healthier" friends.
3. You'll never have a problem with men (or women, for that matter) looking you in the eye when you're wearing a V-neckline.
2. Your bra will NEVER make indentations on your back, nor will you subtly begin slumping over from being top heavy. And sleeping on your stomach is a breeze, as is laying out in the sun on your favorite pool- or beach-side lounger.
1. You'll find out your husband loves you for you and that "dynamite comes in small packages" isn't just a cliche….
…or so I've heard…;)