File this under "Bloggers will share anything."
Two caveats before we begin:
-
I've had about 12 hours sleep over the past three nights.
-
If you tell me the following is hormone related, I might chuck a brick upside your head.
Laugh at me, laugh with me…it matters not to me, I just hope you laugh (oops three, make that THREE caveats)!
Yesterday
was one of those days that was full before it began; starting with
voting right after I took the children to school, and ending–one eye
closed and two ears open–with President-elect Obama "yes we canning"
me to sleep. A mad-cap blur of children, taxi service, mammogram,
Precept study and soccer games marked the "in-between".
Oh, and my oldest going to the DMV to get her license.
Heaven forbid that should have gone smoothly.
Only this time, it wasn't the DMV's fault. Long lines would have been welcome inconvenience compared to what DID happen.
Because
I had been running all day, by the time we got to the DMV, I really had
to "go"; I'm a camel and can drive forever without needing a bathroom
break, but 4:00 is apparently equivalent to "forever". While my
daughter filled out the necessary paperwork, I excused myself to their
restroom.
I don't know about your local Department of Motor Vehicles, but ours is highly trafficked and the bathroom is barely
a notch above gas station quality. Like most moms, I can get in and
out of a bathroom without touching anything, a skill that serves us
well (especially during the potty training years).
The toilet seat was broken, positioned cock-eyed over the bowl. No problem, I wasn't sitting anyway, and I proceeded to assume "the position." Moments later, I was much relieved (in every sense of the word) having previously consumed two cups of coffee, a water bottle and a Diet Vanilla Coke. I wadded up a handful of tp to "finish" (I'm doing my level best to articulate this tastefully, but is that even possible???) and then kinda sorta stood up.
That's when I first detected a "problem".
The back of my left pants leg was wet.
I
thought, "How did that happen?" I mean, it wasn't raining, I hadn't
splashed in a puddle, I certainly didn't spill bottled water on my lap
while driving… and then it hit me.
I
whipped my head around, looked down at the VERY CROOKED toilet seat
(thankyewverymuch) and realized I had missed the target-OH-YES-I-DID!
The entire back-side of my left leg was ringing wet–OH-MY-WORD–and IT
WASN'T WATER FROM THE FAUCET!
AND I HAD TO GO BACK OUT TO A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WAITING TO GET THEIR DRIVER'S LICENSE!
OH.NO.OH.NO.OH.NO!!!!
I
proceeded with my only option. I washed my hands, walked out the door,
prayed for an invisibility cloak, pretended nothing had happened, and
through hysterical laughter, whispered in Rachel's ear that I had to
run home and change clothes. She looked at me like I was crazy. When I reluctantly explained what was wrong, she lost it too.
Do
you think anyone knew what we were laughing at? I had to walk through
the center aisle of a waiting room full of people, so it's possible
they noticed the crazy lady with wet pants walking out the door. (Or maybe this sort of thing happens all the time at the DMV.)
Well,
before I left, I gave Rachel the cash I had and left my credit card
with her in case the fee was more than my cash on hand…
…which set up today's misadventure. Do I even have to mention it involves another unfortunate pants-wetting…?
s i g h
I'm mid-40s and though I haven't had to deal with bladder incontinence (yet), apparently I'm the queen of bladder incompetence. Stay tuned click here for Part Two.
🙂
If you're interested in the next "event" in this "series", please be sure to subscribe in a reader if you aren't already.
you peed on yourself and blogged it??
you are my hero
Oh my word. I am so laughing with you, Robin! I can’t wait to hear tomorrow’s adventure if it’s any bit as hilarious as this one.
Wow, I don’t nknow whether to laugh with you or cry with you. I’m glad you were able to laugh through it. can’t wait to hear “part 2”, but I’m glad you’re feeling better tonight, I was worried about you earlier.
HUGS
I’m in my mid 40s too and know just where you’re coming from! But in my mind I’m still 28! LOL
I’ve made 2 trips to the DMV with my kids — thankfully the second time was more successful than the first! 🙂
Mmmm, vanilla coke.
I’m sorry, I can’t help but laugh. Can’t wait for part 2!
I feel your pain, my friend. Ever have a nosebleed that magically ends up on a strategic part of your pants?
And, no, today you HAD to be wearing the light khakis instead of the dark pants your wife recommended.
Oh, and you have a slot booked in a studio. For a television interview.
You’re not alone. You’re among friends.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I haven’t laughed for 24 hours – I SO needed that :D:D:D:D
OH NO OH NO OH NO!
So sorry and glad you can find the sense to chuckle at it. (I can’t believe you’re blogging it either!)
ROFLMHineyO
Oh. My. Hilarious.
Robin, what color were your pants? I’ll bet no one even noticed your pants and even less people even made the connection. I’ve sat at the DMV, most of the time people are either on their cell, in their book, or in space at the DMV. They wouldn’t notice if aliens landed! Can’t wait for Part II though…
Hope this week is better for you!
Oh my! Thank you for the laugh of my day! It is so totally one of those “thank goodness it was you – ‘cause it very easily could have been me” laughs too! I commend you sweetie for having the gusto to share this with us all! You Rock!!!
That peeing story deserves to be stumbleuponed!
Oh, can’t wait to here the part 2. Hysterical! Oh, I can so see myself doing this.
Oh my – how awful!!! I feel your shame (as I slide graciously along a wall)
oops!
I shall pretend all the laughing is WITH me, not AT me, k? Delusion is a wonderful thing :).
Monica, I wonder what the costume looks like for this super hero…Depends and a bath towel??
Karina, that was Alien Robin. She’s left the building for now.
BlapherMJ, Heeeey, I’m 28 in my head, too! 🙂
Oh, dear, Carmi…I’m so sorry you resemble my remarks ;).
Susan, my work here is done (I could hear you from Va!).
MommyWizdom, army green…LIGHT army green; the spot was “substantial”, but otherwise, hopefully, you’re right!
Christina, I can tell ya this, y’all’s fun responses help me not regret posting it…but maybe I will tomorrow when peeps I know IRL start reading…!
Neil, because it’s “important” or “good writing”?
oh. my. I’m so sorry. But thank you for sharing. If it makes you feel any better, I blogged about breaking my bed last night. And no, I wasn’t doing anything FUN. I was just… heavy.
I am laughing with you as I have my own peeing on self story that maybe one day I’ll blog about! You made my day….I am not alone!!
Well having been to the DMV and witnessing the typical crowd there I can see peeing on oneself was probably one of the least gross things going on in there.
BTW- my worst pet peeve….squatters. I think we may still be able to be friends 🙂
Yowser. I am sort of laughing but it’s a painful laugh. As in, feeling your pain! VERY brave blogging!!!
Oh. No.
SO FUH-NEE…
Poor Robin! (I’m laughing WITH the people who are laughing at you…)
ROFL!!! So funny.
Oh my! The DMV is bad enough all by itself!
I’m laughing sooo hard. I mean, not at you, but I can just imagine your face when you realized why your pants were wet. Oh man, I don’t know what I would have done 😀
I have a story that includes bodily functions, a tiny restroom, and toplessness. I believe I’ve just decided on my next blog post.
PART 2?!?! Are you insane? Antique Mommy had NO problem writing her entire story in one post. Come on, girlfriend, we want it all – the nitty, gritty, wet-pants details!
Although I suppose a potty break at this point is good for me.
Anxiously awaiting the sequel . . .
You are a braver woman than I. I don’t know whether I laughed harder at your description or at Monica’s comment.
I stand in awe.
THAT exact scenario is my worst nightmare. Even worse than the threat of atomic war. I am scared for the NEXT tale!
I would say that somethings are better left unshared but this one made me laugh so hard that I am glad you are willing to tell us all about it.
When things like that happen, I always say “At least, it’ll make good blog fodder!” and this one definitely did.
Oh my word.
Oh no! Oh no oh no oh no.
I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing NEAR you. Honest.
Oh dear…
Well I did not start laughing until you admitted you did! I have to admit I was more worried at first that you had sat on someone elses pee! Its my worst nightmare when visiting public bathrooms! I always get the heeby jeebies creeping all over me! Hypothetically of course! Its just the thought of it! Now always make sure you carry a sweater then you can tie it round your waste! LOL!
I feel your pain, I’ve had an experience similar. You have to be able to laugh at it. Hey, at least you tried to use the potty. 😉
Girlfriend- this post is a perfect example of why I love you so much! You are one of a kind!! Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! I needed it!
Oh..poor gal!! That happens!! I will not sit on them either!
-sandy toes
Warning to all you mid-40’s gals: there’s more to come…quit laughing so hard, you may have more of these stories to tell!
My mom, bless her heart, got so tickled at my comments in the make-up aisle of the grocery store one day that she couldn’t stop laughing. No matter what. Puddle on aisle 2.
Hysterical women scampering through the store throwing things in the cart while cackling. Really.
Kegel gals!!
Oh my goodness, your daughter will never forget that day. Oh my goodness,….
Oh My! and you are such a good storyteller.
I have plenty of my own pee in pants stories that involved me being in college at the Bursar’s office with many students behind me. I played it off as if nothing happened and hoped to God no one noticed my wet pant leg.
At my DMV, there are lots of people who are slightly damp and smell of urine. Oh, wait. No, they are all standing outside the DMV, up and down the sidewalks. You coulda done that. And held a cap out and got a lot of money, too, maybe. A lot of money since it was election day and everyone apparently was in a hand-out pro-welfare frame of mind…. Thanks for the laugh, that was so much fun reading! And I was worried about your silence yesterday, glad to know you’re OK.
So how did the driver’s testing go? My very own 16 year old took the test Monday, and even though we were expecting (maybe wanting) her to fail, she passed. I don’t think this is a stage I’m ready for in ANY sense of the word.
And your story? Freaking hilarious. I think I might have stayed in the bathroom until closing time.
Off to the potty!
Lora Lynn, oh, dear. You’ve got an excuse though, babydoll! Wish it was for “funner” reasons though ;).
Yellow Rose, what are you waiting for???
Diaper Diaries, my motto: “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.” Amen.
12ontheinside, hmmm, a medal of honor? 🙂
Harley, I woulda loved to see my face, too!
Dana, now THAT sounds interesting. I’m waiting on that one, too!
Dianne, lol, brevity is not my strong suit, but I sure keep trying :).
Sarah, I had to be creative to keep it from being plain gross…it’s hard to write a “tasteful” pee post :/ lol.
Robin, ah…another one who “resembles” my remarks ;).
Karisma, I ALWAYS look first; that’s how I knew the seat was messed up!
Beth, awww…thank you 🙂 xo
Carrie, Kegel to the rescue! Amen to that!
Laurel, it was a MEMORABLE election day…no doubt about THAT! 😉
Saph, have you blogged that? You must, you know!
Valerie, I was off a while…but I think I’m back “on” now 😉 (thanks).
Simply Jenn, actually, she had taken and passed the test already at her driving school; going to the DMV was just to get her photo license. And, believe me, it crossed my mind to stay til closing; the motive of my son’s soccer game compelled me to leave my hide out :/.
hahahaha! It isn’t like you wet your pants – You were over a toilet…just bad aiming. hahahhaa
Reminds me of the time (yes, I will share this with you, of course) that I had to pee so bad I pulled over on the road and tried to squat over a coffee cup (inside the van). Needless to say I filled up the cup and then some….and since I was no where near home I had to find a store to go in and buy new pants. I was embarrassed.
Oh Robin. Oh, oh, Robin. I was falling out of my chair reading this! And my seat’s not even crooked!
I gotta say, you are brave. I recently had a water bottle leak in my gym bag. After my workout, I put on my jeans, and the entire crotch upper thighs of my jeans were dark blue wet. Because of the way my jeans were folded, the very bottom of the pants legs were wet, too, but you know nobody noticed that! I felt so dumb hurrying out to my car.
We won’t even get into Monday, when I forgot to pack my bra for after aqua class and I had to run 3 errands afterward–braless. I haven’t gone braless since I was 10.
Ooh, sorry. Got going on my own problems here! Thanks for sharing this–it gave me such a mix of sympathy and hysteria. Hugs!
This is why I love you. One of many reasons, in fact.
I needed a good laugh today, thanks.
BS Sunday
It’s BS Sunday again. Time to share the posts that you might have missed this week. So go, read, comment, then tell us what we should be spotlighting next week. Let’s begin, shall we? “Death and Birth sat chatting idly…
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle: http://tinyurl.com/5wevqn
Yep, I’m in the “I post intimate details of my life on the internet and I don’t know why!” camp too.
But it makes good blog fodder!
That is too freak’n funny!!! I’m sure you wer absolutely mortified. At least you got a great post out of it!
This made me laugh so loud! I love the way you write, I can’t wait to read more!
LOL – it happens!! I was on a flight a few months ago and woke up when my water in my cup spilled right in my crotch. I woke up to a cold flush. And it of course looked like I had had an accident. Classy.