"It was the best day
of my life so far."
There are aspects to my personality my family does not
appreciate; for one, I'm inclined to share my thoughts with you,
whether or not they're solicited. When you consider my strong sense of
justice combined with the opinion that people in service-related
industries should deliver–imagine this–excellent service, you can begin to see where this volatile combination might ignite.
My
professional background is public relations and marketing. I'm crazy
enough to believe businesses should not only do what they say but do it
well. In my head, a business owner should want to hear
from me because a) I'm a paying customer, b) my opinion is most likely
shared by others, c) if I bother to say something, it's because I care
about the business and want to see its success, d) I'm not a jerk when
I express my concern or observation–it's positively, intelligently and
kindly communicated. My philosophy is I'd want to know if I were in their shoes.
My
family doesn't appreciate this as virtue; they wince or groan or search
for a sock to stuff in my mouth when I feel the need to express these
marginally-filtered, unsolicited "constructive suggestions" in response
to circumstances or people. I do exercise restraint and discretion, I keep my mouth shut more often than not...but sometimes I'm compelled.
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A year or so ago, my daughter read about ; readers were challenged "to 'adopt a village'–a Compassion International project in
Guatemala City, by sponsoring a Compassion child who lives in that
area. The Never The Same! '09 mission trip [was to give] readers an
opportunity to go to Guatemala and meet their sponsored child…a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"
Last summer our entire family also read "Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations". It's an inspiring book about rejecting mediocrity (I strongly recommend it if you have a tween, teen…or plan way ahead). I could be wrong, but I think the timing of reading these two things close together encouraged Rachel to pursue sponsoring a child through Compassion and to take part in Brio's mission trip. Without rehashing my , suffice it to say she was determined to make it happen.
Though it wasn't her only motive, Rachel was most excited about meeting her sponsored child, Evelyn. Yes, she wanted to minister to others; certainly, she was intrigued with visiting another country and culture; but meeting this little girl she had faithfully written for months–and who had written to her in return!–was what she was most looking forward to.
Imagine her disappointment when she found out two nights before the day she was supposed to meet Evelyn, it wouldn't happen unless she (and her best friend Kate, who co-sponsors Eveylyn) could come up with an extra $300-350 to fund Evelyn and a guardian's travel expense! Because she had to let her leaders know right then, she called us for advice; our phones were off because it was after midnight. Kate was able to reach her mom who didn't say "no", but discouraged them. They already had invested thousands of dollars and $300 more on short notice wasn't realistic.
I found out the next day.
To say I wasn't happy is an understatement–I knew what this meant to the girls! While I wasn't sure what their final decision had been, it was reasonable for me to assume they declined the offer (based on what Kate's mom shared with me).
I wrestled with how to respond all day; or whether to stay out of it all together.
Compulsion to "speak" over-rode restraint. I emailed our trip contact, expressing my anger, frustration and disappointment. While I was quick to praise trip planners for their added safety measures, attention to detail and impact they were having in my daughter's life, I clearly detailed why this was a huge failing that impacted not just my daughter, but many others–I wasn't advocating just for her, I really felt the need to speak for all who were affected.
I used strong language, but I also conceded that while this caught us by surprise, we knew it didn't surprise God, and that regardless of her/their disappointment, He could use the circumstance for their good and His glory. (I just re-read my email, concerned I'd cringe when I saw it again, but I didn't, thankfully! It was balanced and reasonable.)
The next morning I had two email responses from trip leaders (Susie with Brio Magazine and Calab, Big World Ventures partner). They thanked me for writing, heard my heart and felt my Mama Bear pain. They explained that because so many readers had sponsored children in Guatemala City, Compassion had had to draw children from projects outside the area; areas remote enough it was costly to bring them in to meet their sponsors.
Because Caleb and Susie were kind, apologetic, attuned to my specific concerns and responsive, they assuaged my anger. They responded exactly how I would have had our roles been reversed.
That's all I was looking for–a place to absorb and diffuse my fury. Well, that, and the hope my words might assure this wouldn't be repeated in subsequent years.
What I got was so much more.
Throughout the day, Susie and Caleb remained in email contact. Both were in touch with Compassion offices and Susie let me know that somewhere there had been a breakdown in communication—the kids were never supposed to fund their sponsor children’s travel expense! They were scrambling at the last minute to arrange as many sponsor/child visits as possible, realizing not everyone would get to.
We didn’t know Rachel, Kate and Evelyn’s fate, and I was reluctant to get my hopes up for them. Having the amazing privilege of meeting one of my own sponsor children, I understood what was at stake. I wanted this so badly for them it make my heart ache.
So I pray-wished throughout the day, trying to seek God but tripping over my flesh-inclined binding. If I thought it would have worked, I would've bargained with God.
And then we got The Call around dinner time, and before I processed words spoken, sound waves of excitement told me everything I needed to know…
Rachel, describing meeting Evelyn,
the little girl she sponsors through Compassion International
Did my email make a difference? I doubt it. Was it the right thing to do? I'm pretty sure it was. Was I blessed by the end result? Is that really a question that needs to be asked?
What I do know is this: when I feel a compulsion to speak for those who have no voice or need an advocate…it most definitely is a time to speak.
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Postscript: I can't let a post that mentions Compassion International not give you an opportunity to sponsor a child in need. After SEEING the difference Compassion makes in the life of a children and their families, I'm begging you to begin a relationship with a little one in need TODAY. Click here to find out more!
Also, because I think so highly of the book "Do Hard Things", I'll be giving away a copy to a lucky reader. All you have to do is make a pertinent comment to this post :).
Like mother, like daughter.
I love you.
This post gave me goosebumps! That is so wonderful..well, then end..when she got to meet her sponsor child. God is good! I am in total agreement with you on what you were saying too. Sometimes I am one that goes off a little too much though, unfortunately, but I refuse to be walked over. My husband is the passive one, I am def. the aggressive one. We balance one another, lol.
btw..never did get that magazine cover. Don’t know whats up with that!
Hi,
I found you on Twitter and came by to check out your blog =)
I’m so glad that your daughter, Rachel, was able to go and that you did speak up. I commend you for responding so well instead of allowing your emotions to get the best of you because as a Mom I know I tend to want to jump up and save my boys. Yet this reminds me that God is our Abba, our Father. If we jump for our kids, imagine what HE can do? Amazing and wonderful to dwell on that! He knew it would work out and used you as an instrument. Thankfully, you allowed yourself to be led and ignored the naysayers.
All the best,
Ms. Latina
10 years ago when I was a high schooler and a Brio-reading missionary kid, Susie came and visited my family overseas. She told us then it was the best vacation of her life, and she spoke into my little missionary kid school in a huge way.
Most of all, I remember taking her to a remote village and a villager asking how many pigs he’d have to pay to marry her. susie was thrilled.
Robin, I loved this post! I too tend to offer unsolicited advice. God has taught me great restraint since I’ve had children. Caleb begs me, on a regular basis, to “please don’t say anything Mom!!! It’s ok…You’re embarrassing me!” Even when I have allowed him to handle the situation the way school children should and nothing has changed for the better…THAT’S a whole other story.
Thanks for the book rec. Greg and I want to raise them to always do the right thing, but that is SOOOOOO hard.
I am still loving your blog…keep up the fabulous work!
In HIM,
Robin Madden
I’m so glad your daughter got to meet Evelyn. I dream of the day I can meet either one of my Compassion boys.
I’ve been reading your blog since your India trip. I may have commented once before, but wanted you to know I read, but don’t often comment. I SO identified with your instincts in this post. I’m often a right-fighter and my family has been embarrassed by me a time or two, but I whole-heartedly agree that sometimes we need to tactfully and cautiously speak up for what’s right and to protect those that need protected. Loved reading how your mama heart brought such a good outcome!
WOW.. am so glad that Rachel got to see her sponser child.. and am so glad you spoke! I would have definetely been proud of ya if ya were my mom.. and I am sure rachel is! I agree with you.. that the time to speak is NOW.. no time like the present to let our hearts & minds be heard!! Thanks so much for ur courage to speak up on your daughters & Evelyn’s behalf! God used you in a mighty way!
Hope you have a great friday!
Wow Robin this is such an amazing story. Sometimes I am jealous of all your words, wishing I had more word but I tend to get tongue tied. I praise God for my Compassion child, she has blessed my life so much. I am proud that you stood up and gave your voice, but I have a feeling it was the Holy Spirit guiding the whole time.
Hugs.
I have subscribed to your blog since April 20, when you wrote a piece that I suspected was intended for me, a complete stranger. Compassion had directed me to the Indian trip bloggers since my sons and I sponsor a beautiful young Tamil boy.)
I’ve since been blessed to read poignant comments from others on the same post, learning that I wasn’t the only “me” to whom you spoke so clearly in the middle of the night, the hours when faith can fade.
Your post and book reference touch me on a day when I prayed about living more purposefully. I fear that out of fatigue I increasingly accept mediocrity by letting life just happen instead of guiding my own journey with my values. Sometimes books intended for kids also speak to their weary parents!
What a gift you give your daughter as she knows that her Mom will fight (with grace!) for what is right in her life and for justice in the lives of others. I suspect you’ll inspire many.
A far away stranger friend,
Lei
Is it unrealistic these days to expect people to actually do what they say they’re going to do? Did your email have anything to do with Rachel and the other kids being able to see their kids? Absolutely, and don’t think it didn’t. You did the right thing, in love, and you may never know the impact of your actions! Good for you!
Not that I really “know” you all that well, but from what I know, I feel like any speaking up you do would be tempered with a Godly wisdom about how to speak. Well maybe not any because we all fall short with our words, but I would bet most times. So yea God for sure, but also yea you for discerning that this was a time to speak up and doing so respectfully. That is something the world is way too short on these days.
Oh what a blessing for her to get to me Evelyn. God is good!
I love happy endings except now I need a tissue and they’re in the next room! I am not very bold but I would have definitely spoken up for my daughters in this situation. I am SO glad Rachel and Kate got to meet their sponsor child. My two girls are 12 and we have so been wanting to sponsor a child through Compassion, especially since following your India story. I was basically ACHING to do this when I was living vicariously through all your posts. Unfortunately as a single mother not getting enough work I am struggling constantly to keep up with bills and we have whittled away everything we can from our budget. Yet still we have so much more than these children and their families do.
My daughters are adopted from China and one was nearly 7 when she came home and left behind friends that were sisters to her who needed medical attention. She has a heart for children in need. Someday I hope they can go on trips like these. I so appreciate the book recommendation and will put that in my shopping cart for better times at Amazon if they have it! Someday we WILL sponsor a child, as soon as we aren’t counting out nickels and dimes for milk and gas.
Thank you for sharing the very best day of Rachel’s life so far – it is wonderful!
Alyce,
Welcome Ms. Latina! GLAD you found me (have I found you on Twitter???).
Your comment made me smile ear to ear. A n d, it's a great reminder that words MATTER; you never know when someone else is going to carry them in their heart for a long, long time; no wonder God preserved so much in His word about OUR words!!
Love it when you chime in…thanks for continuing to read from time to time :). I smiled at your comment @ Caleb; there have been times when I've told my children my job IS to embarrass them!! They aren't impressed! lol
A time to speak…. spoke to me…
Thank you, Robin…
Thank you….
All’s grace,
Ann
I can totally relate to your sense of justice. I’m the same way. And my family reacts exactly like yours.
I’d love to win the book–someone else just recommended it to me too. Sounds like a life-changer!
I love the picture of your daughter w/ Evelyn on her lap! What a wonderful thing for both of them. I hadn’t heard of that book before, but my husband is a youth minister and I know he/we are always trying to think of ways to “nudge” kids without pushing them too far.
Sounds like it would be in order for us to read it!
Thanks again for sharing.
I think you handled it very well. I’m so glad your daughter was able to meet her sponsor child. Compassion also seemed to handle the situation well.
“So I pray-wished throughout the day, trying to seek God but tripping over my flesh-inclined binding.” I just love how you described this. It’s a state of mind I totally relate to.
Your wisdom as a parent and a follower of Christ really shines through in this post. Thanks for sharing the struggle and the joy that arose from this circumstance–one in which you already acknowledged “didn’t surprise God”!
I would love to read that book. It’s been on my Paperbackswap wish list for a few months now.
I didn’t want to make a big stinking blog deal about it, but due to reading about Compassion through the blogging trips, my husband and I “adopted” through Compassion a very handsome four-year-old boy named Jerome from the Philippines. I can’t wait to start hearing from him!
Where do you boys live? I so hope that for you as well :). You'll both remember that meeting forever!
It's nice to know you're "around", even if you're v e w y q w i e t :). Thanks for speaking now (was it "a time to speak" for you???) ;).
You know what's funny? When Kate's mom found out they got to meet Evelyn, her first thought was I must've called or emailed "someone". Hmmm, wonder how she "knew"? 🙂
Lori, your comment made me smile because a) I think you're writing voice is wonderful and b) I tried my best to keep this brief, but mercy…I cut out as much as I could and it still took forever to tell!! I envy those who are masters of word economy!
Wow…stop me in my tracks, sweet one. Thank you for letting me know this; when I wrote, when I prayed…yes, that was one of these "compulsions". In your comment alone I hear a beautiful writer; but since no blog is linked, I'm wondering if you have one I might visit.
Love you friend 🙂
I have no doubt that what Compassion is doing in these countries is making a drastic impact on the outcome of the children’s lives. Your daughter is a brave child to travel clear across the world to help many in need. What a sacrificial heart she has. We received our first letter from our sponsored child about a month ago and my daughter was quick to reply with a letter and collage photos. We can’t wait to hear back from her! Thank you for the book recommendation.