Fast food mascots scare the snot outta me. 

Honestly, is there anything scarier than the Burger King king with his plastically coiffed hair and creepy expression?  Waking up to that face would be nightmare stepping into daylight.

And when Cole Porter claimed that "all the world loves a clown", that joker was lying!  What's so funny about a grown man walking around with a smile painted on his face?  He's either covering up a sad truth or forcing something that isn't natural.

It ain't right I tell ya.

When you put those two together it's a recipe for disaster.  Hamburger mascot + clown (can only) = One thing.

Ronald McDonald.

McDonalds…. Somehow, the fast food franchise has peddled more fries and burgers than anyone on the planet {Let's not talk about their obviously narcotic-laced french fries–impossible to resist and instantly addictive–or the brilliance of the "Happy Meal" concept, particularly during the Beanie Babies craze.}.  Maybe customers are scared to tell the  clown "No-thank-yew," or they're
simply deceived by his cheerful red- and white-striped and golden
yellow clown suit. 

All this to say, imagine my horror when I was driving down the street the other day and happened upon this–


Notice how they perfectly positioned him to have an almost angelic, golden arched halo behind his head–


Two stories high and looming overhead, when I saw his hand reaching out to grab me, images of King Kong and Jessica Lange flashed as my life nearly expired!

I grabbed my bag of fries camera, scrambled to my car, and tore out of that parking lot like desperate shoppers looking for a Wii on Black Friday at four in the morning.

It's a wonder I lived to tell.

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