Later I’ll recall I was examining the floral applique on an Eddie Bauer tee when my “Oh-I-love-it!” was rudely interrupted by the ringtone vibrating my pocket. Caller ID indicated it was my daughter, and there were a nanosecond of confusion–how was she calling me? She was supposed to be at Student Venture.
Her breathless “I’m okay mom…” froze the blood in my veins.
That’s what everyone says when they’re not okay.
Her words didn’t make sense, but intuitively I knew she had been in a wreck. What I didn’t know was where she was…was she calling from a stretcher? Was she on the side of some road, bloody and broken, somehow managing to make a single call?
My 17-year-old first-born daughter was crying and someone else was now speaking and telling me they were alright and explaining what happened but I wasn’t convinced and I certainly wasn’t processing well–I just wanted to get in my car and start driving in spite of STILL not knowing where they were.
I gave the phone to my husband.
I listened much better watching him listen.
She was rear-ended in an accident that wasn’t her fault. The lady who hit her admitted this to my husband, and by the time she called us, the police were already gone. The car was drivable. We didn’t need to come because the girls wanted to go to their group.
We headed in their direction anyway–I needed to touch her. By now, I believed she really was fine, but there was an urgent need to see for myself, to kiss imaginary boo boos, before she’d really, REALLY be fine.
Children need their mommies, right?
She begged us not to come. I knew that would be her response. She needed to settle before seeing us; to get back on that horse before she grew to fear it.
By herself.
I hated it, but I respect it.
One of our intentional goals in parenting has been to encourage our kids’ independence from us, appropriately, relative to their age. Rachel will be 18 in a few months, she’ll graduate high school a year from now. Her heart and spirit challenge my own in the best of ways and she makes me want to be a better mother, a better person.
There’s a cost to your babies growing up and becoming more independent, one you don’t realize until it happens: it stings the mama when they don’t need boo boo kisses anymore.
There’s no point in considering the “what-ifs”…but I’ve whispered “thank you, Lord” a thousand times, maybe more.
*
*
*
I watch the clock until I hear her car pull in the drive. We all rush to see her (and her younger brothers, to inspect the car). I hold her, tight, reluctant to let go. She holds on a little longer, too.
She expresses surprise (and relief) we weren’t mad, but she won’t understand that until her children are behind the wheel. She tells me the sound of impact keeps replaying in her mind. I tell her she’ll be telling this story when she’s my age.
The wreck was a best-case scenario; no one was hurt (she had a passenger), the car is fixable, the lady has insurance, and my daughter wasn’t at fault. I’m sure she’ll be a better driver as a result. She certainly has a clearer understanding of why we ask her to text or call when she arrives at her destination.
Because I’m acutely aware it could’ve been a different scenario if timing was altered mere seconds, I’m more convinced than ever–
…parenthood is not for sissies.
(hug) I am so glad all is well. I dread the teenage years. DREAD.
Thanks for reminding me why mine will be raised in bubbles.
HUGS.
Oh honey, that is SO true. I think parenting makes us stronger than we ever thought we could be. So glad she is fine.
You weren’t supposed to make me cry this morning.
I’m so glad she and the others are all ok.
((Hugs)) I’m glad she was ok!
So glad she’s okay – I’ve been the twenty-something in a bad wreck and my first instinct was to call my Mom (I knew she was 3 hours away and not able to come to help, but I needed to hear her voice). And, this was before cell phones! Her reaction helped me to calm down and start processing what needed to be done. I hope to be that kind of Mom when my kids are driving.
ohmigosh…robin, I have not kept up with your blog since giving birth to my own girl (4 months ago)…and reading this makes me want to be as brave a parent as you but also to never let her grow up!?! I know that makes no sense. but thank you so much for this perspective.
So glad to hear everyone is fine. I don’t even want to imagine what that was like for you until she was your arms.
Whew….so, so happy that she’s uninjured! And, soo very proud that she got right back behind the wheel and did it again. WTG! However, big hugs to you because I know your mama heart was aching until you were able to actually SEE her for yourself.
So glad she is okay Robin!
So glad to hear she’s okay. i dread that call myself one day. It’s not if it will happen, it’s a matter of WHEN will it happen.
So glad Rachel’s ok, Robin! I am sure those calls are frightening. I will be nervous when those days arrive.
Oh, I can’t imagine. Our stupid dog was out all night once and I worried. My husband said, “What are you going to do when it’s the kids who are late and you don’t know where they are?” I’m a few years from them driving, but it strikes fear in me.
Your last line is so true.
So glad no one was hurt! Scary moment for all, but yes a good life lesson to have. Good to look at the positive in a negative situation. I’m going to go work on that bubblewrap suit I was making for my son now. I keep telling him – I think I might be okay with him being in the basement, playing video games until he is in his 40’s. 🙂 He laughs and says okaaaayyyyy….mom….whatever!
He is almost 13 and I’m not ready for all the scary ‘letting go’ there is to do. Hugs to all of you!
I’m glad all is well. I can only imagine what you were feeling as I think forward in my mind to my children being behind the wheel and me receiving a call like that.
I am really glad nobody was hurt. I have to say, you handled this so well. You and your husband deserve to be parents! You know what you are doing!
I’m glad that she’s ok…and not fearful, either!
whew, it’s dusty in here. must be that pollen 😉
Praise God Rachel is okay, but what a scare!
Thank the Lord she’s ok. So glad its a happy ending. I have a mere 2 years before this is my reality. Apparently its not legal to lock them in their rooms from 16-26???
I love how you said “She needed to settle before seeing us; to get back on that horse before she grew to fear it.” Very very smart move…I hope I have that kind of restraint when my day comes!
I don’t know you, but I’m balling… I have 2 kids. Young kids. And I never want them to drive. ever.
SO glad this is a “best case” story 🙂
What a scary phone call to get. I’m so, so glad she is okay…that everyone is okay.
October 7, 2005 at approximately 11:00am just minutes after my daughter Brittany had left for work I was on the receiving end of that phone call. Physically she was fine(airbags are a wonderful thing), her car on the other hand was totaled. I had to have her give the phone to someone else at the scene so I could determine which way she had driven to work because she was incomprehensible. My heart had to be topping 200 beats per minute. In the end everyone was fine but my life expectancy was shortened significantly that day.
I know how you will feel every time the phone rings when she is on the road. The only thing that makes it bearable…just pray and give her over to the Lord. He will provide what’s best for her. That’s our job anyway.
BTW, all your parental musings are on point. The final one sums it up best though, “…parenthood is not for sissies.” AMEN
Parenting is NOT FOR SISSIES.
And mine aren’t even in double digits yet! (Tho my oldest turns ten in a week. Ten!)
So thankful she was okay, I had my first accident at her age, though I was at fault. No one was injured except the oil pan on my car and a young cedar tree. I played the fish tailing and three sixty feeling in my head for a while, and I told that story… just last night. 😉
(BUT.. the next time I found myself needing to stop on loose gravel, I did NOT have an accident!)
God bless!
I am so glad that everything is ok.
I agree when people start off with “I’m ok” it’s not usually the case! I remember when I went somewhere with my daughter and my mom told me it wasn’t a good idea. She had a bad feeling that day. We were going to my daughter’s friend’s house to go swimming and in 2007, I was still pregnant with my second. We got rear ended on the highway and hit into the car in front of us. I made the same call to my mom…”I’m ok mom, don’t be upset…” And she wasn’t. She was just relieved that everything was ok! Unfortunately, my car wasn’t in driving condition and my friend had to come get my daughter and I. We were fine and everyone in the other cars were too.. It was just the initial fear.
I do agree with her, that impact replays over and over in your mind. Especially when it’s your first wreck and you just never expect yourself to be in that situation.
Found you from UPB10 and I love your blog! Following you now! I hope you stop by and follow us as well! Have a great week!
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So glad your daughter and everyone is okay. I’m learning to let go little by little. My little guy is 10 and he’s ready to do things, granted they are little things at this age, but letting go is still difficult.
Oh friend – I teared up as I read this….I could feel your heart beating faster. I am so glad she is ok. Great big bear hugs!
MY heart was beating fast.
HUGS.
I totally agree with you, parenthood is not for sissys! With 4 girls I am on the run non-stop! I will be following your blog …new member @madly59 onlyjoy1959@yahoo.com
wow…glad she was OK. my adrenaline was going reading your post!
reminded of the night when the phone beside our bed rang (it was only 10:30 …) and a familiar voice said, Pam can I talk to WR? I saw his face turn. It was one of his fellow firefighters who was the first on the scene of our daughter wreck.
We got there as they loaded her into an ambulance on a back board. The rain was pouring out of the sky and a mud flow spread from the wheat field over the road. She’d braked — and ended up rolled over into the mucky field. She was scared and I was more. The firefighters and paramedics had taken special care with her, though. Thankful, we were. We followed it to the ER where the DR’s discovered she had a broken back.
So — I understood how your heart pounds in your ears and you can’t function — even to grab your coat or whatever you need to get going.
ps. and the part about “you aren’t mad?”
yup. happened with us.
“Mad.. are you kidding? You’re alive. I’m so far from mad.”
My daughter soon will be driving. It is so hard to be a mama at times. Like you said parenthood is NOT for sissies. LOL
We never realized how fast our life can change in a blink of an eye until something DOES happen. A friend of my daughter…who I consider my other daughter 😉 was in a wreck two weeks ago. She had some minor cuts and bruises. I was so scared and crying. Thanking God she was ok for the most part. She said mama…It was scary! lol
I am glad you daughter was ok and it not her fault. 😀