The Malodorous Plight of Mother and Son
"The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years*"
I hold my breath, near despair
Wicked boys, give way to cheers.
Confined within too small a space
Putrid, vile, scent-clouds descend
I cover nose, wipe tears from face
I beg, "Dear God, please let this end!"
It makes them laugh, it swells their pride
To hear my protests, helpless cry.
Did two skunks crawl deep inside
These boys, and then proceed to die???
"Roll the windows down!" I squeal
Their feet now out, but flowers wilt
This smell much worse than rotting veal
The boys, laugh, not a shred of guilt.
Consequence of Summer's heat,
What on earth could be more splendid?
No more sweaty, stinky feet–
Soccer camp has finally ended!
Your turn: Can you relate? CAN I GET A WITNESS? Please, help me–do you have any remedies for rillyRILLY smelly feet? We've , but that doesn't help the parts attached to his body. Help a mother out???
* This is what I was thinking when driving home, and in my mind's ear I could hear Vincent Price chanting these words in Michael Jackson's "Thriller".
Moms should get millions… one boss (I so wish I could remember who it was) paid his secretary a million dollars a year. Because that’s what she was worth, and good on him, I say!
I so feel your pain, girl x3 😉 I make them go wash their feet, whether they want to or not all the time because the family room starts smelling like funk.
BLEK!!! The one thing my son HAS to do…is change socks often. Sweaty feet and wet shoes cause a funk (like the one you’ve just penned about) that could easily kill a man or mama!
🙂
Gledwood, I agree!
Melissa,
We all scream at my youngest when we're in the car…his food odor could be used as part of our National defense! lol
Wanda,
Yes…we know each other's pain. I should really buy stock in Hanes…;)
Brew tea (you’re southern, right? 😉 ) and have him soak his feet in it-as warm/hot as he can handle, for as long as he can handle. Should take care of the stench. A tea pedicure bath! Lipton or like should do, and make it pretty strong.
1. Have them use anti-bacterial soap on their feet
2. Make sure they have the right socks–they do make some that are anti-microbial or something like that
3. Make sure they have shoes that “breath”–real leather uppers, even for sneakers
4. Spray the inside of their shoes with Lysol everynight.
Mu baby boy is almost 23, but I feel ya, hon!
We should get paid millions fer sure!!! Strangely I have 3 in soccer and no hideous smell funk to deal with?? Good genes??…haha! just kidding….pride comes before a fall right? hmmmmm what’s that I smell suddenly? ~Chris Ann
You just. crack. me. up. Where do you get such endless creative energy?
Hope your summer is off to a rillyRILLY good start!
Brings back memories. My 11 year old daughter told me we have 5000 seat glands in our feet!! I thought of you and all the soccer smelly feet we moms have to deal with.
Blessings
I mas thrilled to see your poem “The Malodorous Plight of Mother and Son”
Take alook at our website http://www.non-scentz.com
we have an odor remover that really works and raises money for your soccer or lacrosse team!