Young boys should never be sent to bed…
they always wake up a day older.
J.M. Barrie in Finding Neverland
With fairy steps I stealth into his room and slip under layers of covers to envelop his body. We're spoons.
He's a cozy oven and though barely awake he senses my presence and rolls to his stomach. It's an invitation I cannot refuse.
I begin rubbing his back and remember when one hand covered its entirety; now, it would take one for each year he's lived, 13. He lies as still as stone, afraid if he moves it'll signal the end of this soundless wake-up call. He doesn't realize my secret: this is a forever moment for me, too.
I smooth his skin like fresh sheets on a bed and thoughtfully consider his shape and size. He's growing. "You don't know how good this feels," he murmers softly, but I do and I'm richly compensated by his appreciation and approval. I whisper "Guess what I'm drawing," and trace a letter the size of his back. He says "I." I begin the second letter but before I can finish he anticipates "L-O-V-E-Y-O-U." I chuckle and declare "You're a mind reader!"
I steal one more minute, maybe two and then I kiss the back of his hair. It smells of sleep and boy.
My feet slide to the floor and reluctantly my body follows. Silence breaks as I remember why I'm there–"Time to get up."
My words pierce the air and he doesn't want to hear them any more than I want to speak them.
In a very small sense, I mourn this day he unknowingly celebrates–my baby is one day older and I'm 24 hours closer to an empty nest.
Sometimes, but only in a twinkling, Neverland dwells in a mother's soul.
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beautiful.
beautiful and sad and scary and sweet and a little teary – both in good & bad ways;) Thanks for the gentle, sweet reminder!
Oh! My littles are only 3 and 2, but this made me treasure the moments even more. *sigh*
Tears. I want to go spoon my sweet children now.
Oh, Robin. Uh, love this post. Love the good reminder to slow down and enjoy and savor. Excellent writing. My kids are all under 7, but I can already taste the loss of them “growing up.” Sometimes i wish they were a little more like Peter Pan.
Exquisitely written, Robin. Breathtaking, beautiful.
Oh Robin – I think this is my favorite post of yours. I had this exact same feeling and experience this morning though my little Peter Pan is only 5. Neverland lives in a mother’s soul – dang that’s some great writing. You gave me full body goosebumps!
this is wonderful. my boy-babe is still a babe, but i hope he allows mama-cuddles at 13, too.
such a tender post:)
this really touched me. i’ve just begun to really marvel how BIG my ‘little’ boy is getting.
he’s five – yet if I try real hard, I can still see echos of his baby face while I steel into his room to watch him sleep before I head off to bed each night.
it’s starting to go by fast – just like i’ve always been told it would but have have only really begun to observe.
I completely relate to this post. Beautifully said. My boy is 15 and the words “time to get up” “feet on the floor” have been stated every weekday morning around here for so long. I know the weeks are coming that those will not be my 1st words in the morning anymore.
I’ll treasure those words for a while longer as long as I can. Love the inspiration and love my boy! Thanks!
Aw. This was so beautiful, Robin. A mom and her son… always that tender baby you held. It’s magic – the time you’re there alone with him, before “It’s time to wake up…” So glad I saw your tweet sail across Twitter, so I can land here and share a moment with you here!
Your words bring Neverland here — exquisite, Robin… exquisite Robin.
Lisa…thank you :).
Mandi…yep, that’s kinda how I felt living it….
Lindsay…GOOD! That makes me happy!!
Wired Whimsy, which of course, makes me smile :).
Laura, it’s SO hard when they’re young to SAVOR these moments, so I’m thankful to give you reason to think about doing so. Time stinkin’ FLIES!
JD in Canada, and your comment? Sweeter than honey…thank you, sincerely.
Lisa- Jooooooo…you generous words made my spirit SOAR! That means so much coming from you!
Suzannah, never stop giving them. Never, never, never, never, never! My boy is ALL boy but touch is definitely his love language. I guess some people could look at me and think I’m weird (or HE is), so I’m glad you heard this as the tender moment it was :).
Heidi, I look in the face of my 18 year old daughter and still see “baby Rachel Hannah.” Sometimes it catches me off guard and my heart aches. Good for you for training yourself to treasure these fleeting moments :).
LO, ahhh, I hear YOU and I’m glad you found any measure of inspiration here. Amazing how quickly 15 can arrive, isn’t it?
Bonnie!!! Your encouraging words always buoy my spirit! I’m so glad you happened across that tweet, too, especially since I’ve been tied up most of the day!
Ann…sweet Ann…thank you for your kind words here and at A Holy Experience. I’m looking at Caleb’s Advent wreath right now, and doubly blessed by the Voskamps :). xo
And then…He is 24 and sleeps at my house once or twice during the year, diagonally across a full size bed because he is so much taller than me. I am thankful for every hug I get and every casual “love you” at the end of phone conversations – hoping that he saves those for special people and doesn’t just toss it out.
Martha, oh, dear…I cannot believe he's 24! I remember when he was a BABY!! Time flies w/my own kids, but maybe faster when I glance at those of my friends (especially the ones I haven't seen in FOREVER). {{hugs}}
BEAUTIFUL….savor EACH moment as I know you are.
when i look at my boys size 14 feet i am awestruck….but i know in my heart he is still my little boy…and i will treasure that for all time.
Oh, so beautifully written. You wrote the words that are in my heart, the ones that I do not have the ability to put in writing like you have. I look at my five year old a feel sadness that those five years are already gone in the blink of an eye! Then my little 1 1/2 year old man, he’s growing too quickly too and is not a baby anymore. Wondering if the next one due in May will be another little boy or another little girl….
Thank you for this beautiful post, visiting here from Ann’s link.
On this morning my sweet baby boy woke up to be 8 years old.
8 years ago right now I was making double chocolate muffins for the nurses I knew I’d be meeting that afternoon. Lumbering and waddling around my kitchen, stirring, pausing to ride the waves of pain, and then stirring again….
My greatest pain birthed one my greatest joys at 9:56 that night.
Now he is lanky and long, growing into new pants and new socks at lightening speed… Oh, there have been so many times I have wished to find Neverland….
You are a kindred spirit! To be sure!
WELL. You and your beautiful words have me blubbering all over my 4 year old son this morning. Thank you…I think 😉
Holding one in my lap as I type and when I am done typing I am going to hold on a lot longer. Thank you for these beautiful words today.
Loved… loved this post. I have a little guy that seems to be growing right in front of my eyes. I make him promise he will always sit on his mamma’s lap… oh! how I wish that would be true.
Thanks…
Sooo sweet. My oldest is 12, and the stolen tender moments are indeed precious. Thanks for sharing this post. 🙂
I have all girls but curling up to their warm bodies in the morning is so nice and something I should do more often. Thank you for the encouragement!
Someone pass the tissues…
Oh, how sweeeeeet…. Ok, it was worth the risk of getting teary eyed. 😉
My eyes sting as I read this, I can’t imagine my 4 year old boy ever being any bigger than he is today.
Born just 4 lbs 10 oz, he has had the nerve to grow to 37 lbs.
My husband reminds me that it’s better than the alternative. And it is.
I love boys.
Oh wow. Got here via Ann Voskamp. So glad I came. My son is 11 and there are days I feel tangibly the weight of the the reality that my time with him is slipping away. Last night at our Christmas concert, he laid his head on my shoulder and my heart was bursting. Thank you for this. AND, I’m glad I found your blog 🙂
TheBeadGirl, size 14 feet? OH MY WORD! He must have your height! But I know, you know, exactly what I’m talkin’ about.
Country Girl, WELCOME! So thankful you found me! The tension of parenting is knowing when to hold tight and knowing when to let go; it’s no easy task but it serves parent and child well :). And, oh, my….YOU are going to be VERY busy for a lot of years!!! 🙂
Amy Lu, you’ve painted a beautiful picture and reason to cause me to smile–how THOUGHTFUL of you to bake for your nurses! I wish I had thought of that!! Kindred spirits always bless me…it’s fun to find yet another (thank you Internet. 🙂 )
Emily, just seeing you over “here” makes me happy. Tears or no tears! xo
Sharon, you’re welcome and thank YOU!
Stephanie, well, the way I see it, he CAN always sit on your lap but in a few years it might just be a bit…challenging 😉 :). Thanks for your visit!
Dena, mine is 13 1/2 and he’s still more boy than man; I’m good with that…I know the other is looming…….
Christina, I still spoon my 18 year old sometimes! Touch is important, no matter how big they get or how big they THINK they get 😉 :). Girls, boys–yes!
Sara 🙂
Amber, I was wondering if you’d read after your FB comment :). xo
Tracey, your husband is a wise man. And your boy? A blessing. 🙂
Shannon, I owe Ann Voskamp some cookies…so glad you decided to follow the link from her place to mine. Isn’t blogging great for this–constant reminders of “good” things? Like loving our babies just a little bit more?? Hugs to YOU!
🙂
Oh the tears rolling down my cheeks. As I stole a few precious moments alone with my 3 year old as he was falling asleep yesterday your words danced in my head. I cannot imagine him growing and growing, but I will gaze into his sleepy eyes and give him eskimo kisses for as long as he will allow.
That’s one of my favorite quotes ever. I used to have it painted over the door frame at as you entered my little boy’s room in our old house.
And your words? Even more magical…
Just beautiful… and my sentiments exactly over here… only with a three year old boy 🙂 It’s going by quickly and I’m sure thirteen will be here before I know it.
Robin…this is divine. My oldest are 11 (twins) and this is exactly, ex-act-ly how I feel. I adore your Mama heart! Merry Christmas!
I wake my nearly 11 year old son almost exactly the same way every day. Delicious. I couldn’t agree more.
McKt, Don’t. Ever. Stop.
Bridget, it’s not the first time I’ve used in a post about Stephen; somehow, HE’S my Peter Pan child. I love you had that painted over the door!
Heather, don’t blink ;). xo
Kristen, well, now…YOU just blessed mah heart BIG time! xo
Britiney, Is that really how you spell your name? Unusual. BUT…I love that I’m not the only “one”; such sweet moments, the type I treasure. 🙂
Oh my, Robin! This is just so beautiful! I have a newly turned 14 year old boy. It seems every day he is taller than the one before. He is literally growing up before my eyes!
I’m a first time reader, sent by my eldest daughter. She knew, as I am a mother to four sons, that I would be moved by this…of course I am.
Now she is pregnant with her first son. The time flies so unbelievably quickly. Thanks for the reminder that I need to step into neverland now and then.
Blessings,
Cathy