It is my Achilles' heel, the surest path to splinter my heart into shatters and chards.
They are the surest path.
My children.
I don't think they know it, but even if they do, it will be impossible for them to understand for years. How could they understand until they sit in this chair? Walk in these shoes? Look through my eyes?
Until their own lives are extended for another generation, when slivers of their respective hearts dare to leave their body and inhabit the souls of my grands?
They can't understand until then.
Children may leave the nest but they never leave your heart.
Mine are testing their wings.
Do mother birds hold their breath when their babies are learning to fly? Are they only proud or do they feel the pain of the fall?
I'm reading three great novels threaded with hope and dream, woven into cliff hangers and uncertainty, a beautiful, imperfect tapestry telling a story. Ours. My family. The left side is dog-earred and fading, the middle in focus with stitches visible, the right is just out of view.
Being a parent leaves you sometimes wishing, often wanting and always praying.
I hold my breath and watch.
The first is already spreading wings and catching thermals. She soars, eager. She scares me just a little because she's not scared at all.
Her spirit is free and determined.
Sometimes wishing.
The second, ooooh, that middle one. I know something about being middle. His are the eyes that gleam bright when the world sparkles, when voices call. Whose will he listen to?
His spirit is passionate and a little dangerous.
Always praying.
The sweet one, my last; not sweeter because he is last but simply because his nature is a friendly construction. Kindness is his magnet.
His spirit is curious and playful.
Often wanting.
Train up a child….
Wish. Want. Pray.
Hold your breath.
Cradle your heel.
Protect your heart.
When they're old they won't be lost.
: : : : :
Inspired by my friend and fellow (in)courage contributor, Deidra Riggs.
In response to Vulnerable.. OH My Stars! Have you been lurking in my heart? I have 3 adult children,and I so relate to these words. My middle son is no longer with us anymore. He passed away 4 years ago. I am so blessed to have seen him with his own 3 children. My how he grew. Your words are so beautiful. Thank you for expressing what my heart feels at times. I wish I could express my thoughts so eloquently.
I’d comment, but I think I’d like to bury my head and cry for a while. One is gone for the entire summer; one just left for three weeks; one is having a hard time leaving. Oh, this mama’s heart is splintered, that’s for sure.
Had to share this one. This is one of your best my friend. Thanks for writing!
Girlfriend! I have goosebumps! This is incredible. You tell it so true.
Oh how that was powerfully written. Loved it. It seems the order of our children and their personalities are sooooo very very similar. = )
Irish
Pam,
First, though we don't know each other…{{hugs}}. I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of my children, and though I'm sure time eases the shock and grief, it never goes away forever.
And thank you for your kind words about this post; sometimes it takes me forever to complete a written thought, and then sometimes the words pour out. The second thing happened on this post :).
Shelly,
Sometimes I think you and I are living the same life :). It IS parallel, no doubt about that. From one mama who's "there" to another, {{BIG hugs}}. 🙂
Charles!!
THANK YOU so much for sharing this post and for the nice things you said behind my back. Gosh, I miss you (and Steph). I was just thinkin' about y'all the other day. Love y'all.
Deidra,
You make me smile. Apparently, you also make me write :). xo
Irish,
I *do* think there's something to that birth order thing…though IF I've read specifics, I don't recall most. I have the perspective of middle child, and I can see some of those personality traits played out in my own son but also in others. And THANK YOU for your very kind thoughts here. 🙂