Eating dinner together is still a priority in our home. This doesn’t happen every night, but we’re still doing so more often than not. In this day and time…that is good enough for me. "Student life" and our consequential life with students is the primary culprit for disrupting Dinner as It Should Be. Perhaps the upside is I appreciate it more because it requires intention and determination.
The most glaring failure of my parenting (and I know I need to be thankful if this is, in fact, the case) is my kids are the pickiest eaters on the planet. No, really…they’ve earned the tee shirt, trophy, and blog button for it. I think there’s even a page devoted to them in the Guinness Book of World Records. I’m fairly certain this is genetic, and two thoughts occur: 1) it’s MY fault they don’t eat–as a child I was much the same, and 2) it gets worse in subsequent generations…this means my grandchildren will eat PB&Js and chicken nuggets and little else (which is half a step below my kids’ current choices).
But this isn’t about that, it’s about me being inappropriate. Motherly inappropriate. Heck, even Jesus-ly inappropriate….
So last night we’re eating dinner, a slice of Americana: meatloaf, feathered rice, glazed carrots (for them, raw), fried okra and herbed rolls. IT WAS A GOOD DINNER, PEOPLE! And what’s meatloaf if it isn’t a big ol’ honkin’ hamburger, ya know?!
I’m waiting them out…I’m gonna watch them pick out everything that makes meatloaf meatloaf until they clean they’re flippin’ plates. I picked that mountain to die on last night…for some reason, I was in a mood.
So I’m watching and waiting, my plate has long been licked clean, Tad’s moved on to football…and I’m still watchin’ and waitin’, ever aware that two of my kids are teenagers and we should be looooooooong past these days.
But, like I said, I climbed the mountain and I’m camping out, and in the name of all things pure and holy, I’m going to win. Even if it kills me.
Every few bites one would ask, "Is this enough" and I’d give them The Mother Glare which answered their sad, pitiful question loudly and without a word. They kept eating.
Finally, in a moment of abject exasperation and melodrama fit for a queen, I exploded, and enunciating every syllable for effect, said "Is-y’all’s-sin-gle-purpose-in-life-to-make-me-mis-er–" and before I could get out "able", Thomas chimed in, "…a living hell?!"
And it was right then and right there that they won…and knew it.
I started laughing.
Not just laughing, laughing til I cried (mmmm, what a dessert!).
I should have reprimanded him for using profanity profanely. But, oh, my livin’ word, the boy had PERFECT comedic timing, and his bug-eyed, brace-faced grin sealed it.
Maybe this was a "you gotta be there" moment, but it was priceless to me.
And so I had to write it…to remember…
(and for the record…they all eventually ate their dinner… although it took Stephen until 15 minutes after the dishes were done to finish…)
Yep, kids say the darnedest things…:)
Those lines are why dinners together are special.
Sounds just like our family! Happy New Year to you all and keep serving the carrotts!!
Priceless. And hey we are already at the PBJ and chicken nugget state so you can’t win because I already cinched it.
I can’t get Aaron to eat anything besides chicken nuggets or pb&j. Some nights, it’s just not worth the battle to me. Vitamins are my friend. They make me feel less guilty about what my kid doesn’t eat.
That is classic! My daughter, the picky eater who would not touch food because it was “dirty” now has a son. I have proof that God laughs.
Great story…I have had those moments when I am mad as *&$# and the kids make me laugh and the anger dissipates! My kids are extremely picky also..we may challenge you for the award!!
My daughter Sam(becks&posh) was the worst eater in the world as a child. Meal times were agony~ but as an adult her tastes have completely changed as one can see from her food blog!
TD does that sometimes. She knows that in any other situation she would get in trouble for saying or doing certain things but then again she has good timing.
As for picky – I think my little manchild has your kids beat by a mile – we should compare notes sometime….
Your husband’s name is Tad? I have never known a Tad before except in a movie. Was it Splendor in the Grass? Or a Ladd except in a book. My kids always liked broccoli but meatloaf? no. My daughter got a calendar so she could record the times we ate meatloaf which was not very often. She thought so though. I still tell her now that she’s away from home at college when I make meatloaf so she can wish she were here!!! Ho ho.
Ree’s husband is Ladd.
Bwaahaaaaa!!!! Here’s your medal. Gotta love a mom who can laugh when she’s really set to be serious…
Agh – the picky eaters. My two are in their own way. One hates raw tomatoes, the other hates cooked tomatoes. One hates roasted carrots, while the other hates boiled carrots. One hates cooked cheese, while the other hates unmelted cheese. It’s not always the same child who wants something cooked or uncooked.
You see how this goes don’t you? Sunday Roast –a batch of boiled carrots and a batch of roasted carrots. Lunch on a regular day – one has a grilled cheese sandwich, the other has ham and cheese (cold)…etc.
Sounds to me like you were just ‘mothering’ them…because you love them….that deserves a few brownie points, eh;).
what, exactly, is feathered rice?? I have never heard that phrase before and I am curious.
LOVE it! Gotta love a kid who knows how to capture the moment, huh?
I think you’re wrong. Knowing a “lifetime story moment” even when it includes profanity, definitely keeps you in the running for mother of the year.
You have the jump on us as far as eating “together”. We do make the attempt but too often, we grab a hot pocket, a bowl of cereal, or a can of something and retreat to our corners of the house for school, work, games, whatever. We have been better though – at least with supper. Breakfast? like the Beaver Cleavers? Forget it. What time did they get up anyway? It was always light and everyone’s hair was perfect…
You are my inspirations. Keep on cooking and updating. I will learn your techniques and promote them – if it kills us…. NLM
you mean you didn’t pull out the “there are kids starving in ….” speech.
TWO veggies??? Impressive.
Ah, I have found a friend. I try to keep those lovely dinners down to 3 times a year around here. And why do we chose, a certain day to win our battle? You have to love a 12 year old’s sense of humor. I end up trying to reprimand mine while snorting/laughing at his comment.
Oh Robin, aren’t you glad that you laughed. Your post is priceless. Besides a Happy New Year, I wish for you a year of pleasant, joyful, and well-eaten meals.
My niece, who is in her forties, was so picky that she always ordered cottage cheese, French fries and a coke at restaurants.
Oops, did you know it is me? I am a Grandma too.
Heather, yeah, I think so, too.
Robinella, tie?
Nikki, remarkably, my kids have always been very healthy. And…we just bought gummi Flintstones vitamins…what was I thinking???
Sandy, Amen, sistah!
Alison, yeah…laughter, like love, covers a multitude of sins ;).
Chris, Ahhh, you over great HOPE!
Cheeky, “good” timing is a gift!
Junebug, yep, he’s a “Tad” (and I knew Ree’s was a “Ladd” 🙂 ). Funny about your fam :).
Tracey, thanks! 🙂
TLG, I Sooooo feel your pain! Our three never agree on ANYTHING! I’m doin’ well when it’s 2 out of 3…:/.
Claudia, it’s a sidedish my grandmother’s housekeeper used to make and it’s lethally delicious and simple–long grain rice, an envelope of Lipton Onion Soup Mix, an ENTIRE stick of butter (not margarine), and cooked and covered for an hour. Mmmmmmm!
Tami, no kidding!
Ooooo, Jenn! Yaaaeeee 🙂 (and thanks 😉 ).
NLM, I ALWAYS wear pearls, pumps and a stylish coiffure when I cook…y’all don’t???
Pamela, that was LAST week ;). Gotta mix it up, you know….
Candice, yes ma’am and thanks :).
Katie, the kid knows me from the inside out…:/
GrandmaMJD, yes, dear, I knew it was you :). Your niece rivaled my kids!
I don’t have a picky eater as I had an ally in the fight – Monster Mummy’s threatened visits ensured that 5 more mouthfuls were eaten – then 10 – then the lot.
Apparently I was extremely picky, but my parents (bless them) were very strict about having to eat a little of everything.
My niece, however, is a nightmare.
I love that your little clown has got such good word selection and timing.
Put up with it for 18+ years. Wait til they taste dorm food!
OH that sounds awesome!! MMMMMMMMMM!!!! fattening as all git but awesome!!
Too funny! It’s so hard to not laugh when they say stuff like that. I am giggling just thinking about Anna saying something like that to me.
My kids are picky eaters, to their own detriment. I KNOW this is why they will stay sick for months, so I’m just going to have to go Drill Sargent on their skinny little butts I guess. At least Anna’s taste buds are changing a bit, she’s becoming a little more adventurous. But my skinny minnie Emma, I don’t know what to do with that kid. *sigh*
Jeanie, way to stick to your guns! And, yeah, my “little clown” m i g h t just be a comedian when he grows up….
Min, I’ll take redemption whenever it falls…;).
Claudia, if you ever find yourself in Tennessee, I’llcook you up a batch :D.
MaryMert, sorry, I am absolutely NO help :/. Ours were healthy (thankfully, they still are), maybe because if nothing else, they always liked a) carrots and b) milk. Their bones should be as strong as IRON….