"Need" is a relative term, don't you think? How often do you begin a sentence with the words "I need…" when the truth is "I want…" would be more accurate?
No irony is lost as I pen those words on Black Friday (**wink**).
While I'd love to explore the distinction between needs and wants, this post isn't about that exactly…perhaps a qualifier would help me express my current state of "need":
"Why?" you ask. Well, yesterday while heating the packet of glaze that accompanied our Smithfield Spiral Sliced Ham (recommended by my beloved Paula Deen), it exploded.
It wasn't pretty.
Glazing the ham and popping it back in the oven for 15 minutes was one of the last tasks to complete for our Thanksgiving feast. When I checked the glaze packet's progress at three minutes into the heating cycle, I was already too late. To my shock and horror, as I peered through the glass, I saw the a disgusting brown goo effervescing (<—SOooo the perfect word because it WAS bubbling, hissing and foaming as gas escaped!) over the sides of the dish the packet was in. Upon examination of the packet, we realized it was nearly empty and the bowl was encrusted with a brown sugar resin that wasn't coming off without a fight.
The microwave fared much worse.
It took mere seconds–SECONDS, I TELL YA!–for this stuff to harden into an amber second skin that nothing–NOTHING–could remove…not an SOS pad (though clearly I was distressed), not a chisel, not a blowtorch, not a beltsander…m a y b e some C-4 explosive, but typically we don't have that on hand.
After an initial inner "AGGGGHHHHHHH–NOW WHAT?!?!" I calmly regrouped and remembered I've made homemade glazes for ham before the "convenience" (ha!) of a pre-made packet (using a mixture of brown sugar, yellow mustard and orange juice for thinning to pouring consistency).
Given that I have one oven, had the turkey in at 7 a.m. so there'd be time to get everything else cooked (the ham, sweet potato and squash casseroles, macaroni & cheese, rolls), and there was tons of multi-tasking going on, I'm thankful that was the only disaster.
It made for a memory, no?
Plus…that microwave was left behind by the previous homeowners when we bought our house five years ago, its interior was tinted a permanent stain of dinge, and I've been wanting to replace it for years; because it still worked, I couldn't justify it.
Perhaps I owe Paula Deen and Smithfield Foods my gratitude. Perhaps they owe me a microwave ;).
REVISED:
a) Ummm…oopsie! We just found the directions for heating the glaze and it seems "user error" might be involved; it was 4-5 minutes if heating in a pan on the stove, 45 seconds if microwaving {{blushing}}.
b) Paula? Smithfield? mea culpa for pointing a finger…apparently at least three were pointing back at me :D.
Would a little strategically-placed really hot water not dissolve the goo? If not, come visit me and I’ll give you the perfectly good microwave I discovered while cleaning out my basement. 🙂
My disaster had nothing to do with cooking. It hit the couch, the floor and my first reaction was not to grab the camera, but hustle the mess-maker into the bathroom. “Mommy, my belly hurts” was the warning. I’ll not ignore that again anytime soon. *rolling eyes*
Such a refreshing and funny perspective on your disaster. I guess things could have been worse if the ham was your only entree. I’m sure your turkey was great! Maybe you could get a great deal on a new microwave this morning.
Oh, I need for something to explode and coat my microwave with unremovable goo too! Ours was inherited and is in a permanent state of dinge too.
“even though I was clearly in distress”: Loved that. 🙂
So funny, and it sounds like it wasn’t too devastating to the dinner.
microwave a wet dish towel for a minute and it makes microwave cleaning a snap!
Hiiii-larious. As usual.
I too need a new microwave. Our is a built-in and is now 15 years old and in declining health. Someday…
Our big Thanksgiving Day disaster happened last year when Duck was cooking the turkey on the grill. It caught on fire y’all — as in even the bone was crumbling. You can read about it here:
http://simplyhis.org/2007/11/29/i-killed-the-turkey/
Glad you got a response from the company 😉
I can’t think of any disasters this Thanksgiving. There were may opportunities for catastrophes: first time cooking with a gas stove, 3 homemade pies, a new brine recipe, adding a soup at the last minute. For all the successes, I’m very thankful… well that and I didn’t have to do the dishes. 🙂
No disasters for me . . . we ate out! I wouldn’t want to do it like that every year, but it was sure nice this year. We even ate leftovers tonight. Yum!
Oh my…we have had diasters in our microwave too!
-sandy toes
yuck. And I wonder if putting some steam in there would help get that stuff off….. boil some water?
but, of course – if a new microwave is what you NEED then under no circumstances try and fix it…and I wont send my husband over because he always comes up with a fix (drives me crazy if not saving us money – ha)