It is the best of
times and worst of times
that reveal the most of who we are.
Tuesday was my birthday; on Wednesday two friends died.
It’s an odd thing, reconciling the emotions attached to celebration of life and celebration of end of life….
* * * * *
I experienced this same “circle of life” emotional gamut two weeks ago, when my first-born niece surprise-celebrated her 18th birthday six hours after I attended the funeral of my childhood best friend’s father.
That day, I became more closely acquainted with two people I already knew as I saw them through eyes more familiar than my own. In
one instance family lore unraveled in well-worn stories threaded with “secrets” and affection; the other was informed by the dance of friendship, kindred souls sent a’ twirl in song and laughter and tight squeezes—the kind that steal breath but add years to life and life to years.
Words from a funeral eulogizer lingered after the service, “Love doesn’t die, people do…when everything else is gone, you still have that to give.”
We’re all living Dickensian fairytales, aren’t we? Life stories penned in exhilarating triumphs and tear-stained tragedies, exquisite beauty and crippling brokenness, buoyant expectations and rattling disappointments….
Don’t the shadows reveal the sunshine?
Outside the Christian faith, I wonder what people cling to; I have this vision of a body in never-ending free-fall, limbs flailing through space, clawing for something but nothing is within reach. It’s so sad but I understand why some resist the call of God: it doesn’t always make sense. For some reason, though, my inability to make sense of this life of faith is what draws me the most.
The mysteries of God and his refusal to be tamed and managed and explained persuade me he’s above all.
* * * * *
One of the deaths book-ending my birthday was a friend whose life collided with mine for a season; Teresa is the mother of Cara, one of my daughter’s friends.
Cara spoke at her mother’s service, and at 17 she accomplished what I attempted when speaking at my father’s funeral: to introduce him to those who didn’t know him (to those who were there not to mourn the deceased but to support the bereaved). She was joy-filled, amazingly composed and honored her mom beautifully.
I’m convinced she was able to do so because of something she shared with my daughter the evening prior: there was nothing left unsaid between her and her mom.
Cara and her mom were current. Though Teresa’s death was unexpected, Cara had no unfinished business, no regrets, no words left unspoken. The loss of her mother leaves Cara (and her family) with void, but the love demonstrated prior to her death is intact. It lingers nearby, within and without. It consoles the tears not yet shed.
Love didn’t die, a person did.
* * * * * *
Nothing left unsaid…am I “current” in all the significant relationships in my life? Are you? Isn’t that something you desire? I do.
Maybe it isn’t by chance you’re reading this right now; goodness knows I’ve been inconsistent in posting the past several months! But maybe you’re reading it for a reason…heck, maybe I’m writing it for a reason. I dunno, but it kinda feels that way….
If your life or that of someone you care about ended unexpectedly today, is there anything, anything, you’d wish you had said or done?
I think you should probably take care of that now.
* * * * * *
xo
“Am I current”? ~ Dang, that’s good stuff Robin.
I wonder too, how in the world others survive catastrophic loss without God.
I don’t know that I would have, I suppose maybe they are actually stronger than me. I had the maker of the universe to lean on, people tell me I’m strong and I laugh. I didn’t have to be anything but willing to trust and fall into his arms.
It’s a wonderful question you ask, I’ve been asking it in other words, you say it better. Now I will borrow yours – am I current?
Thanks for this. I’m going through a tough time right now and there is PLENTY left unsaid in some of my relationships! Of course some of it should remain so 🙂 I love that you said the relationship was “current.” It was real, in the moment, and relevant. It put a word to a concept I’ve been wanting for a while. Thanks!!
Amazing…poignant…really struck a chord in me. I don’t understand how people ignore God, but I like the way you phrased your answer. I think this is one of my favorite posts! Off to make sure I am “current”!
robin….i just found out that my sister and i don’t share the same Dad. I am devastated. My Dad had a stroke this year and is not doing well, he is not a Christian. Am I current? sort of. Would that be a no?
I am a believer. A strong, You bet-I-am, no holds barred believer in My Lord. But today I am not a believer in people. I want to be a believer in families. They are human. They are sinners. I wish, by golly they were saved-by-grace, but they aren’t.
I have to work through this before I see my Mom again. My Daddy is suffering. I know Mom is too. I have no idea why I am puring out my heart here. Yes I do….You sound like you are hurting, well I am too. But we have somewhere to take our pain, sister…..how on earth could we face these ugly truths of life without God on our side?
Keeping current is very important. No matter how much dirty water has passed between us. Because we never know when the chance will be taken from us.
thanks for this reminder. really. thanks so much.
My mom died very suddenly in 2004. Because God prodded me pretty hard one night a couple of weeks earlier, I sent her an email that said everything I might have held back. We were pretty current, Mom and I, but there were things I would have wanted to say if I’d known the end was that close. I’m so glad I got the opportunity.
I learned that lesson. Now I try diligently to make sure the people in my life know they’re loved, valued, important — at all times.
And Robin? I miss you, love you, think you’re the best! And not just for your writing. One real-life meeting wasn’t enough. We must repeat someday!
What a beautiful post, but that is no surprise coming from you. I am one who needed to read this today – I am one reason you were writing. I fly out tomorrow to see my family – who I haven’t seen for two years – and I get to go sans kids and husband. I need to take this opportunity (while alone and focused) to get MUCH more current with my parents and sisters. I’ve been distant and, honestly, too judgemental for far too long. I’ll carry this post in my heart as I work to make some changes over the next week of my visit.
That seems to have struck a chord…maybe it was inspired???? (thank you, sweet one!)
Some people refer to God as a crutch; I'm conflicted about that characterization because it seems to minimize his glory. B u t, he's a stronghold when we're broken, so it does kind of fit.
I'm not sure where I came up with that phrasing, but it seems to fit like a well-worn shoe; I hope it's a concept that rattles those who read it into doing SOMETHING!
🙂
You're welcome :).
I think all of us have seasons of tough times; it's hard to know what to do with them sometimes. And sometimes, all it takes is a gentle push from someone to give you the clarity to know what to do next.
Consider this a clarifying gentle push :).
Ahhh, Cathy, thank you :).
Funny thing is, I need to do the same. Sometimes I talk a reeeal good game. Must…practice…what I….preach! 🙂
You've given me reason and reminder to pray for those most heart-breakingly affected by broken relationships.
Thank you {& hugs!!!}.
Lisa!!!!
Don't we all have stories to tell? What a precious prompting you had back then to ACT on your thoughts! That's a gift, you know?
Remaining current needs to be INTENTIONAL. It's kind of like, now that I've grasped this concept, it makes me want to keep relationships in the "now".
And you? I DO hope we get to enjoy time together again in the flesh. Ain't nothin' bettah!
🙂
Stacey…wow. Thank you for sharing this with me (praying for YOU, too!).
Can I be bold enough to challenge you to get uncomfortable? You might "lose" a little in the process, but I think the "gain" will be worth the price. Engage them; they might be reluctant at first but you will never regret trying. You could regret not.
Please let me know how your visit goes. xo
Beautiful post that really spoke to my heart. I will be working harder to ensure that those “anythings” are taken care of sooner than later. I enjoyed the post so much that I’m linking up for my Sunday Stars this week so others can hear this important reminder! Thank you.
Love the line “Am I current?” Wow. Have a former student lying in a coma now for 7 weeks and this is the same thing her situation has taught me – this could happen to ANYONE at ANYTIME. So thankful she knows the Lord and was living a life for and with others. Keeping this with me as I go today…thank you 🙂
Wow. Robin you’ve outdone yourself with this post ~ you have me really thinking hard. Powerful words ~ thank you for writing them.
Erin,
You've shared ANOTHER example of why it's NECESSARY to remain current in our relationships! It's just so sad when people find themselves in the midst of circumstance that's boxed in with regret and unexpressed thoughts. Thank you for strengthening my resolve.
Hey Amanda :),
This is really an odd thing–I felt a little "shaky" writing this post (like "am I out of my mind???) but comments are affirming the need to have written it. And…suddenly I'm wishing I could shake the internets and beg people to read it because I'm concerned about those who "need" to read it, ya know?
Thanks for your encouragement today :).
This is why it doesn’t matter how often you post. Beautiful, poignant, POWERFUL.
Love ya, Lady!