The moon is halfway through the sky and I am alone when they bring her to me and I'm glad. She is joy bundled in flannely white with end stripes in pink and blue. I smile to think she looks like an ice cream cone–swaddled tightly with the space beyond her feet forming a perfect point, her entire body shrouded from view, except that face…that perfectly scooped face…downy hair, rosy skin, and delicate features exquisitely formed.
I'm gazing through Mother eyes for the first time, and I learn we all wear rose-colored glasses, seeing miracle delivered from our own body. It's in those moments I wonder how anyone could believe there is no God.
How is it possible for doubt to ever creep in again? But it will.
I take her and nuzzle her body against mine. Love is thicker than oxygen and I inhale deeply and breathe out the same. She is brilliant, destined for great things, because…
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she instinctively nurses. The first delusion of a parent–that their ordinary child is extraordinary–coaxes a secret smile because I realize she's driven me mad in hours and I am now grizzly mama, ready to protect her with my life.
Her dark eyes blink awake, once…twice…three times, and I spin with fizzy affections. I hold her to my breast and her tiny tongue darts out, feeling her own lips in question, then latching on to me for life. I marvel at this provision and privilege; another miracle that no one seems to acknowledge as such, at least not to my satisfaction. It makes me want to shake people to their senses.
This is a picture carved into my heart. It is forever memory, the good kind, life lived in moments too important to forget.
She graduates in 58 days.
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I remember this picture of Rachel so vividly! Still as beautiful today as she was then!
I am trying not to cry uncontrollably. Since I am sitting in a room with my sister and mom.
We want them to grow up, but it goes so fast!
oh….that’s all i have.
Oh gosh..this tugs at this mama’s heart big time. Such beauty in your words. They grow so fast. My baby will be 13 soon. Cherish each moment and each day.
Oh honey, I will be there for you in the days ahead. The past year of my girl’s graduating and starting college has been one of the hardest of all the years I’ve been her mom. Letting go is a killer!!!
Beautiful post, Robin! What an awesome memory and connection to your girl as she is today. My sweet girl just hit 15…so this will be me and her in 3 years. Wow, what an adventure you both have lying ahead!
Argh! 58 days?
Every single birthday has been rough on me. The first one – Has it been a year already?! The second – My baby isn’t even a toddler any more! The third – She asked for a party! She’s a kid already!
And this little baby? I don’t even have time to sit down and think about it. {sigh}
Oh this is so good.
She graduates from high school? Oh, golly. Two years ago my first baby finished high school and went confidently off to college. Somehow the term “mixed emotions” just doesn’t quite seem to cover it.
A lovely picture of your beautiful little bundle of joy–and the heartswell that she brought. Such precious memories.
Beautifully written, thank you for sharing your words of life and love.
My oldest graduates in June too and I already don’t know where all the air is going to go, when I finally stop holding it.
This is beautiful and painful at the same time. I can’t fathom that my babes will grow up to be grown ups. Ouch.
beautiful, robin. i can’t even imagine the feeling… it’s one of those moments where you can’t ever say “it’s just like…” because it is so uniquely precious.
Waaaaah! These pregnancy hormones don’t help when reading posts like this, Robin.
This? Is simply beautiful.
I can’t believe my baby just turned 6…my girls graduating from high school some day will make me cry major mama tears.