Quite possibly the only best Facebook poem you'll ever read ~
Oh, Facebook, you enigma
I do not understand
How you hold me captive
I am putty in your hand.
Check in for just a minute
But then an hour has passed.
Mark Zuckerberg is brilliant!
His Black Hole sucks time so fast!
"What's on my mind," you question.
For some, "How do I feel?"
Important, caring questions,
(If only you were real.)
A soapbox and a megaphone
A place to rave and rant
"Go Daddy is disgusting!"
Moms' Super Bowl ad chant.
Don't know a thousand people
but two thousand friends are mine
How can that be possible?
Have we crossed a line?
To faces I can't place
When put like that, ridiculous!
Oversharing way too much
It's cause for consternation
Don't wanna know your issues with
Cramps or constipation!
And yet you post those pictures
Of babies smeared in poo,
Or worse, when girls lose their minds–
Post selfies, clothes too few.
Like apocalyptic zombies
Under Facebook mind-control
Could it be world domination
Is Mark Zuckerberg's end goal?
Net worth at 14 billion
And he isn't even 30.
The Winklevoss twins would say
"That's cause he plays so dirty."
I can't imagine what comes next
Addictive net fixation
The thing that knocks Mark off his throne
The next big web sensation.
But for now Zuck owns the crown
He's earned the right to shout–
"I'm Kiiiiing of the Wooooorld!"
Is there any doubt?
With thanks to my nephew, Matt, for his brilliant photoshop…
…and to James Cameron, Leonardo DiCaprio and Danny Nucci for "letting" me borrow this image from Titantic…
…and crossing my fingers Mark Zuckerberg never sees this and decides to shut down my Facebook account before I decide to do it myself….