At the brink of b e c o m i n g a t e e n a g e r, to Thomas image is everything. He values externals and often judges a book by its cover. I can preach, I can teach and I can model otherwise, but for now, he's a kid, and while I don't like this, it's pretty much typical for someone his age. He agrees appearances shouldn't matter, but the reality is they do. Perception IS reality.
He has a VERY unusual dental situation that makes him extremely self-conscious. He's missing a total of eight permanent teeth, which is not ideal no matter WHAT your age. He has his two front (top) teeth, and then the next two on either side are missing; on the bottom, he has the front four, then, again, the next two on either side aren't there. His orthodontist designed an acrylic retainer with false teeth for a couple of reasons: 1) aesthetics (because Dr. M KNOWS image matters to a tween-soon-to-be teen), and 2) to hold place for future orthodontic work.
Because this retainer is somewhat "invisible", it's easy to misplace. He's supposed to wear it constantly except for eating, but it's invasive and he's had a hard time getting used to it. It's much more fragile than a traditional metal retainer–we found this out when the first one split, probably from him pocketing it when he ate (instead of putting it in the case—waaaay too much trouble for a kid living on adrenaline).
Of course, there's a lab fee to replace the retainer, but we figured once Thomas understood how careful he HAD to be, he would be much more viligent in its care. Of course, CAREFUL doesn't count when you LOSE the REPLACEMENT retainer less than a month later. CARELESSNESS does not make mama and daddy happy–Thomas endured a measured wrath while we contemplated appropriate and corrective consequences to assure neither of these things happened again.
Every Friday morning, our school's cheerleaders sell Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuits as a fundraiser. When Rachel and I were out of town for our annual Valentine Tea, to increase sales, the cheerleaders offered a $50 cash prize to be awarded at half-time of the basketball play-off game that night; all students who bought a biscuit that day were automatically entered in a random drawing.
One of Rachel's friends called us from the game that night to let us know Thomas had won! Believe me, Thomas likes winning as much or more than I do, and instantly he was a rock star among his friends–fame AND fortune! Thomas' excitement was understandably palpable over the phone when we finally talked to him.
When I got home, I morphed into mom-mode and asked him what his intentions were with his kid-sized mother lode. I fully expected him to want to buy music or games or something else he wanted that we weren't willing to buy.
Perhaps more than winning, I LOVE it when my children make a decision that exceeds my expectations. When asked about his money, Thomas said, "I thought about it and I want to give it all to y'all to help pay for my new retainer…I felt really bad about losing it."
Big. Smiles. No one suggested this to him, I'm sure he debated this, and although it's not what he would have wanted to do with the cash, he knew it was the BEST choice he could make. I'm sure my over-the-top enthusiastic response blew at least a little conciliatory air up his skirt.
Well, get this, it just gets better. Yesterday, when my friend, Liz, and I were cleaning out the glass from my car break-in, she said, "Do you wanna keep this? It looks like a mouthpiece of some kind." It was his LOST retainer! It has fallen in the side of the car and she found it amid the chards of glass! And we hadn't yet had the new retainer made :). So he gets to keep the money after all, and I'm thrilled for him.
He made the right choice, was willing to sacrifice his own interests in order to do the RIGHT thing, and he got a reward when all was said and done. What a GREAT paycheck for me, too!
Yay for Thomas. It seems like you often have stories like this about your kids. That says something great about their mother and father.
Sucks about the robbery and feeling violated. 🙁
That is so sweet. Kids can always surprise you, so glad it turned out to everyone’s satisfaction in the end. It would be lovely if something similar happened for my grandson who lost his ipod recently you.
Hi! I traveled over here from Ree’s blog. I am very impressed with the great values you’ve instilled in your son. They are so contrary as tweens and teens, but every once in a while they show you why they’re worth every moment spent with them and then you know they’re going to grow up to be good people. My two oldest are in braces now and I know when we get to the retainer stage we will be having the same battle. I enjoy your blog.
Heather, ya know, I wonder how much it has to do with us versus how much it has to be with your children being “who” they are by design…I guess some of both. I’m feeling much better today about the robbery. I checked our house locks several times last night, but in a bit, my window will be good as new and then I’ll be off to get a new license.
Chris, 🙁 about your grandson’s iPod, Thomas actually “lost” his for a while, but it ended up in the pocket of his brother’s jeans, lol. Thank goodness I hadn’t washed them! I hope a twist of fate brings your grandson’s back to him.
Hey Jenn, glad you made the “trip”! Welcome (and I hope you’ll be back). The “ugh factor” for Thomas is he has to wear a retainer BEFORE and AFTER braces; he hasn’t gotten them yet, just an expander (and now the retainer) until he’s ready for the actual braces :/. Hopefully that will be SOON!
Well what a wonderful thing! your son is a sweetie to give you the money, you must be doing something right, huh? 😀
That “violated” feeling can be overwhelming. Our apartment was robbed in college — and we felt weird for awhile. So nice about your son.
Guardian angel strikes again.
You’ve raised a good kid, my friend.
That’s a great story! You are raising your kids right, that’s for sure.
That’s better than hearing you had to dig through the trash for the retainer (the school cafeteria trash)
The chicken biscuit is kinda creeping me out…I’m not 100% sure why. 😉
Steve~
Wow. That is amazing. Between your stories and Susan’s, it makes me glad to know that there are kids out there that are good.
What a fantastic story. I love that children are able to surprise us adults with their maturity in some circumstances.
Give him a hug for me!
MaryMert, this is the THIRD time I’ve tried to respond today…apparently TypePad has problems sometimes, too :/.
It’s nice when you see glimpses of this kind of thing…parenting ain’t for cowards!
Wow, Susie…I hope that was a long, long time ago…
Jenny, you must’ve thought really long and hard to say your comment twice 😉 (I took care of it for ya 🙂 ).
Karmyn, you sound like you speak from experience–I had the same one a thousand years ago, too :/.
Steve, now THAT’S funny!! I wonder what else I could come up for the same effect ….it’s my new goal ;).
Claudia, Susan’s kind of remind me of mine, except she’s boy boy girl, and I’m girl boy boy…but her tribe feels familiar (and mine are MUCH older!).
Thanks, Beccy, I completely agree. Good surprises, huh?
Mom-2-3, he doesn’t know I wrote this, but I’ll sneak a hug for ya anyway :).
Sometimes the fruit (yours and his) ripens quickly.
I’m glad I got to a little taste of it, too.
RIGHT ON! right.on.
Thomas is cool.
You’re cool.
Everything’s cool. 🙂
Wow…am I profound, or what? 😉
what a great post 🙂 So sorry to hear about the robbery.. that so sucks!
Pamela, it’s good, huh?
Kevin, lol, I HEAR your enthusiasm–love it! I’m feelin’ a little chilly right now, profound boy (is it the 28 degree weather or me being coo-coo-coolio?).
Tonya, thank you 🙂 and I KNOW! I’m still … frustrated by it…:/.
This is awesome. Seems like a Pass the Torch sort of post to me. It did leave me wondering why your son is wearing a skirt though.
OK, so I’m way behind with my blog-reading… our daughter moved out over the weekend, and that “little” event took up a lot of my emotional and physical energy!
I want to commend you for Thomas’s attitude. Wow, that’s one super kid, or should I say “young man.” Also, I’m thrilled his retainer was found amid the chards of glass. What a strange set of circumstances! I hope you’ve recovered your equilibrium after that discombobulating day. Break-ins feel so violating, and remind us that our “bubble” of safety is pretty vulnerable. Praise God that YOU are OK.