Yesterday I voluntarily committed a masochistic act administered by a sadist had my annual mammogram. I've been at it for over 15 years, beginning early because I lost my mother (38) and my grandmother (early 20s) to breast cancer, and my sister is an eight (??) year survivor (wahoo!) :). Donna couldn't have been a more gentle or sweeter technician, she's grandmother- saccharine, the type that makes sugar taste sour. She used a "MammoPad" without my asking, I guess because I called the b.s. card on the advertisement they had in their office, claiming that with one of these pads, a woman said it was as gentle "as walking on a cloud". R i g h t. Must've been a hail-storming, lightning-striking thunder cloud.
Anyways…I couldn't help but think of my friend, Swampy. The Swampwitch is a breast cancer survivor, and this post is worthy of your time (as are her additional links). Read it. Pass it along to someone else who needs to read it.
In honor of all this breast talk, I thought I'd finally write a Top Ten in honor of them…one for us SMALL girls, who NEVAH get any of the attention for our diminutive size. Double Ds, take a seat…I'm giving you a break (and permission) to sit on the sidelines and laugh WITH us…;). This is NOT politically correct, I mean no ill will toward my bigger-busted friends. I'm not jealous…I was for 25 years, toyed with "enhancement" for almost as long, but FINALLY have come to the place where I'm content with the way God made me.
Top Ten Reasons I'm Glad to be
flat-chested small-busted an "A" Girl
10. There's always a chance they'll film of remake of Shakespeare in Love and will need a new actress to assume the role of Gwyneth Paltrow's Viola De Lesseps. Remember the scene where she was "unbound"? Wouldn't have worked so well on Pamela Anderson…those big boys could never have been harnessed.
9. No one will ever look at you and whisper out of the corner of her mouth and say, "Are THOSE real?".
8. You will NEVER give anyone whiplash when they see you jogging, playing tennis or jumping on a trampoline. Nope, no lawsuits (anyone thinking Sue Ellen Mischke?)
7. You make the bra-gineers at Victoria's Secrets work harder…there wouldn't have been a need for Miracle Bras and gel-curve shaping without the A-team and think about all the money they would've lost. Almost makes you feel sorry for 'em (naaaah).
6. Potential millions to be made from a class action discrimination lawsuit against Hooters.
5. Thousands Hundreds dozens of Hours saved doing monthly breast exams…it just doesn't take that long.
4. When you're a bit more "mature", and your friends complain about being able to roll 'em up and stuff 'em in a tube sock, or tuck them into their waist band, your expression will be vacant…you'll blink.blink. And you will not be able to relate in the least. Gravity will be your friend, not your enemy. Yours will pretty much be where they started…unlike your "healthier" friends.
3. You'll never have a problem with men (or women, for that matter) looking you in the eye when you're wearing a V-neckline.
2. Your bra will NEVER make indentations on your back, nor will you subtly begin slumping over from being top heavy. And sleeping on your stomach is a breeze, as is laying out in the sun on your favorite pool- or beach-side lounger.
1. You'll find out your husband loves you for you and that "dynamite comes in small packages" isn't just a cliche….
…or so I've heard…;)
I heart Swampy. I wish for smaller boobs every day. These suckers could hurt somebody. I’ve been know to loose small children and animals.
Nikki, some kind of parity would be nice, yes? Funny girl, you are :).
I love your list. Personally I always thought the smaller the better!
Great list!! I have never heard of the Mammopad….does it really help? I mean it couldn’t possibly hurt more….
Beccy, weeelll, I have ALWAYS thougth smaller was better, lol…but at least now I’m good with it.
Beckie, a c t u a l l y, it wasn’t like a “cloud”, but doggone it, I think it wasn’t as bad as usual.
That was cute. 🙂
I’m one of those “healthy” girls and I’ve always hated it so I can also relate to the list!!! I can’t understand why on earth women want them larger!!! it’s a curse!!!
indents in the shoulder… and always cinching.
indents in the shoulder… and always cinching.
Well, when I hear people say they want enlargements I offer to sell them one of mine;0
I come from a long line of big busted women. I don’t particularly like it but I guess I have to be content how God made ME right?
Cute post. Those are some pretty funny reasons to be thankful. But you’re better off not giving in to the peer pressure. At least that’s my belief.
When I went for a mammogram, I asked the tech what percentage of women she was seeing with implants these days since they always ask if you have them (which I don’t). She said about 25%. Wow. Now I wonder every time I see someone with a C cup or bigger if they’ve had elective surgery. Isn’t it a shame that we feel such pressure to have surgery to “improve” ourselves?
Fricking hilarious! (And totally an improtant reminder.)
That’s what I get for being off on my broom so much. I’ve miss this wonderful post and I “heart” you, too, my friend.
Loved your post! I miss my mini boobies now that I have these massive mommy knockers. But they’re for a good cause. . . Thank you for the reminder to do the exams–just learned that a very young friend of my DH’s family is going through some scary times with breast cancer (at 26).
We always “wish” for what we don’t have. Some days I’d love to switch ya. You can have these D’s. They are a pain in the bahooga.
OK, I’m back with a little more time to check out all the links. I can’t believe that Hooters used my photo without asking. The cookies have me drooling on my keyboard. I would try to describe the difficulty the tech has when she gives me my mammogram…so small they keep popping back out of the “squeeze,” then I get tickled, she gets tickled, and we try again. But I am thankful for my 32 A’s…well, 32 Longs these days.
You’re a hoot, my dear. I didn’t know you had so much history with breast cancer in your family, though. My mom’s a survivor. I’m a supporter of pink ribbons;))
Robin, I just popped over from your “red dress controversy” and LOVE this post. As a former “B-team”er, and NOW, a DD-teamer, I’d like to submit to you, for your reading pleasure & laughter, my own top ten reasons I’m glad I had that “special surgery” –
10. Spilling out over my bathing suit is fun!
9. My kids take great glee in informing me that I just leaned into my dinner plate a bit too much.
8. For the first time in 45 years, I can experience the “my eyes are up here” syndrome – and enjoy it!
7. I have to buy large tops and small bottoms – it’s a good problem to have.
6. I can finally hold up a strapless dress w/o using my arms.
5. I have regained the “profile” I had while breastfeeding my 4 kids for one year. each.
4. It was a final parting gift (in the estate sense) from my late mother-in-law.
3. While she may not have approved the actual ACTION, she would have approved of the motivation (marriage enhancement).
2. Having been teeny for 45 years, and now being “not so teeny,” things are still high & tight – and likely to stay that way for a while (10 years & counting so far).
And the number 1 reason I’m glad I had that “special surgery:”
1. Seeing my husband’s face/eyes when the plastic surgeon took off my bandages was PRICELESS!!!!!