“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.” ~ Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
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I hear his words but barely, they’re traveling though fog, mud, weary ears. “Mom, there’s a rainbow in our front yard.”
Working on a deadline, my laptop is growing from my fingers. I’m perched on a bar stool in our kitchen, my favorite writing spot in our home because it’s the heart of where we live. Our front yard is behind me but I’m facing the back. If I bothered to look over the counter I’d see our shiny but ever-smudgy oven then our kitchen table, and out the large picture window, an ivy waterfall spilling over a red brick wall, and then grass and trees and eventually a fence that hides my neighbors. It’s storming outside.
It’s storming inside, too.
This has not been a good day, the kind that makes my eyes leaky faucets. Intermittent tears flow, sometimes for good reason and sometimes for spite. I feel crazy.
I wonder if it’s my age. The upper side of mid-forties has been Dickensian–
— Best. Worst. Wisdom. Foolishness. Belief. Incredulity. Light. Darkness. Everything. Nothing. Despair. Hope. Heaven. The other way.
Life’s journey encapsulated in a few words, brilliant, succinct and in perfect cadence. I wish I could write like that.
This day has brought the kind of news that hurts; not death or disease, nothing as serious as that, but the little blows that bully and bruise the heart.
The rain ministers to me, a persistent, percussive splatter. Thunder captures my soul’s expression…furious, brooding, dark and intense, but soon it will pass.
I’m lost in more than thoughts and words when he repeats himself, louder and insistent, “Mom! There’s a rainbow in our front yard!”
My despair is a heavy shroud but the edge in his voice cuts through the haze and compels me to turn around and look.
I’m stunned. There’s a tiny rainbow in our yard, 30 feet from my front door. I look to my right and I see its end melting into the place where woods meet grass; I look to the left and it disappears into the opposite forest. I imagine that’s where the gold lives.
I didn’t even know baby rainbows existed!
It felt like Christmas morning and I was seven–wide-eyed, giddy, overwhelmed with goodness. I grabbed my camera just in time to capture two images before my rainbow faded from view.
Tears filled my eyes, a g a i n, but for a different reason this time, because I…knew…
This was my rainbow. A gift. A generous, very-kind gift from God.
I almost missed it, this miracle in my front yard. But I’m convinced God was patiently waiting for me to see it, to enjoy it with someone who would delight in it as much as me, someone else who would see the miracle. The Divine. The gift.
At the very moment I felt forgotten and unworthy, God showed me otherwise:
I am known and loved.
Soli Deo Gloria.
Oh, Robin, this speaks to my soul. The way you described your mid-forties also describes my experience of pregnancy. It’s not a fun time. I try really hard to stay positive and live in the moment, knowing that this isn’t going to last forever, but it’s hard.
He has a plan for all of this. He knows what we need.
That is beautiful. It reminds me of my own rainbow story. We were in the process of adoption and had recently lost our first referral of a little girl to SIDS. We were reeling from the loss. But as I prayed, God sent a rainbow. It filled the sky as we drove down the highway. We drove right under it and the sky was pink all around. The promise of our baby girl who we would be able to hold in our arms.
Thanks for sharing and reminding me of the times God has reassured and comforted me with rainbows.
Oh, sweet favor of the Lord. So wonderful to see God send a gift especially for you.
God is so personal and so good…I felt every bit of this post with you, and rejoice in His message of reassurance to you. He SEES you. He is there in the brooding, thundering places too.
And give it the finger? That made me laugh out loud. And percussioned splatter? Boy…I wish I could write like you. 🙂
I have a rainbow story too. Maybe I’ll write about it sometime…
It’s always such a wonderful thing when God shows up for you when you’re having a discouraging day. Thanks for sharing.
i know. i understand. i feel your soul. and when He chooses to remind us…truly remind us physically…because sometimes we are so caught up in our mess we fail to “see”…that physical reminder it the most beautiful gift. you are precious to Him. and so…am i. xo
Thanks for sharing the miracle, Robin…and remember, tears are just prayers without words.
Tara,
All those extra hormones running around your body can make you cuh-razy! SO sorry it makes for a looonnngggg, not-fun pregnancy (but I can't wait to see the end result!!). Sometimes it just feels good to share your "yuck" with a friend; I'll be prayin' for you, so maybe just knowing that will help a teensy bit 🙂 xo.
Oh, Tiffany, that's BEAUTIFUL! I'm a rainbow-lover, so I devour these kinds of stories (how much do I love that my same son who shared "this" rainbow also saw the most vivid double-rainbow I've ever seen while we were sitting in a Jack-in-the-Box! He STILL remembers it!). Rainbows DO equal promise, maybe that's why there's the tale of gold at rainbow's end; but the truth of THIS promise is even better (thank you for sharing your story!).
Indeed :).
Dawn,
1) You HAVE to write your rainbow story!
2) Then, you have to send me a link or email it to me. Orders!
3) When I give anyone reason to laugh out loud, it makes me HAPPY! Thanks for puttin' some happy early in my Monday morning! 🙂
4) You picked up on a favorite phrasing of mine in this post; as I wrote it, I was trying to remember the rat-a-tat I had been listening to when this happened; we have a brick walkway, and the noise was very sharp, like a fast drum beat. Eventually that word found its way to my tongue :). It wasn't a real word, but now it is ;).
5) Your whole comment gave me the warm fuzzies. Merci! 🙂
Amy,
He's pretty awesome that way, isn't He? 🙂
Yes…you…are :). (I'm sending you mind-rainbows right now.) (and {{{hugs}}}) xo
Sandy, I like your way of thinkin'! 🙂
I read this the other day and I keep thinking about it. I am a rainbow lover, too. I love this story. Such a poignant a reminder that God cares about the little things. Beautiful photos!
Oh Robin!! Wow! That is so wonderfully, beautiful!!
I am so glad this helped you. I am so thankful that with it, you have helped me.
Nice! I need to read this today!
Ahhh, it takes one to know one 🙂 ;).
🙂 Thank you!
That makes me smile :).
GORGEOUS shots… (And that whole ’40’s Dickensian’ thing? It totally gets better.)
Love your writing so much, sweet Robin.
Love it when something is perfectly timed like that :). So glad you stumbled across it!
I’m beginning to question this whole hormone thing. I was spared mood swings during adolescence…don’t think I’m gonna dodge that bullet on the backside… 😉 :).
Beautiful rainbow, beautifully expressed post. When my husband and I were on the way to his mother’s memorial service nearing two years ago, a rainbow appeared in front of us. At her service, which we mostly did not plan, a soloist sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” It really felt significant.
What a wonderful little rainbow-gift. Robin sized and sitting on your doorstep. =)
What you’ve described, I’ve been going through since I had my 3rd child. I don’t think I can say it’s post-partum anymore, not after 4 1/2 years. ;0) I never thought to compare it to Dickens but you’re right – it’s spot on. I’ll have a good day and then a bad day a hopeful one and then a depressed one. Sheesh. It does make us feel loony doesn’t it?
Thank you for sharing your rainbow with us. =)
I’m so glad that first, you saw it (I wonder how many I miss because I don’t pay attention) and second, you got a picture of it. As a fledgling photographer, one photograph I long to take is of a rainbow. I love the promise behind it. I love the simplistic, beauty of it that boldly proclaims that no one but a Creator could have invented such a vision.
Robin,
I found your blog through The Domestic Fringe and was intrigued by the title. How wonderful to find such an inspiring, comforting post. I’ve been having one of those stormy seasons lately, and this reminded me that God is, indeed, always faithful to his children. Thank you for the post.
somehow I missed this post — and I am quite delighted to see that rainbow. Have you seen it before or since?
I need a rainbow today.