Oh, my.
I loved the book The Help
The maid who worked for my grandmother, then after her death, our family, and then eventually for my brother, until Callie's own death.
We loved her and she sat on the family pew at my and my sister's wedding.
I liked the movie well enough, but I stumbled across a post by Kola Boof that opened my eyes to how black/African women might view the movie.
So I tweeted my musing.
From there, Kola Boof retweeted my link, and a volatile (from her end) conversation ensued (storify.com here. Originally I embedded the exchange below; I've since decided I'd rather keep the vitriol off my blog….)
There's just too much to try to dissect the whole thing–I was stunned–but mostly it makes me wish I could find my way into a respectful conversation with a group of black women ranging from 45-85.
And on both sides the adage
seek to understand before you seek to be understood
marks boundary.
Don't feel sorry for me; I invited the conversation (although without meaning to). I thought Boof's post, although angry, was challenge to conventional white thinking. No need to come to my defense in any way, either; I didn't even take what she said personally, I'm just flabbergasted at the lack of civility.
If any African American women read this post, could you politely share your thoughts good, bad or ugly?
That is one rage filled person. I too, would like to hear from the black community – how did this affect them personally? I saw the movie as part of a pre-release (as “press”) and the theatre was filled with black AND white women. I wish we had been able to have a discussion afterwards. A mature, adult discussion. Without such rage.
Well, dang. I don’t think you could have said anything that was right in that conversation. Sometimes people just want to be pissed off, and sometimes you become the object of rage because you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry, Robin. That sucks.
Angela, walking out of the movie, I have never heard so much conversation about what people had just seen! And it made me emotional (again) to see two older women, one black and one white, walk into the hallway and hold each other in a tight embrace (that I didn’t see end).
I wanted to know THEIR story….
katdish,
I took no real personal offense because a) she doesn’t know me, and b) it was SO extreme! I tried to get it to a level conversation, but there was no getting there. I sincerely wonder if any person could have achieved that….
Stunned. Just stunned. Sorry for this. This is a busted up place.
OneRoofAfrica, Get this…I prayed for wisdom in responding; I wanted to show compassion and grace–JESUS!–did it even matter?
Wow. I don’t even know what to say, Robin. Her anger and bitterness towards you, in particular, is stunning. I loved the book and haven’t yet seen the movie but plan to this weekend. What I loved about the book was that we got to hear another side of the story. I identified so much with it because I also grew up in the south during this time period and was so emotional reading the book that it shocked me. Again, I just don’t know what to say to Ms. Boof. Clearly, she was ready and looking for a fight today and picked you as a target.
There was nothing you could have done any different. She’s clearly a bitter and volatile person. There isn’t a sweeter person she could’ve attacked either…
Ouch.
I can see your heart here, and clearly she could not. There is a lot of hurt there, my guess is that very little of it was caused by you. I hope….I hope there can be healing, in so many ways for so many people, and I think that you were asking how we get there.
It’s a good question, worth asking, sometimes the answers just aren’t ready to surface.
Seems to me that she hurt her own argument by the words she chose and the anger behind them. I will readily admit(as I think many will) that an injustice was done and in many cases is still occurring. But at some point we have to move beyond hurt feelings and angry words to action. If you want a change, you have to work for it (and try not to shoot yourself in the foot).
Robin, I think you responded as well as one could.
Yikes! I read her post, and noticed that in the comment section she had some strong words to say to anyone who challenged, or even just asked for clarification.
It really is disappointing, because this could have been a beautiful and facinating conversation. She could have shed light on perspective that, perhaps, we overlook and unknowingly dismiss.
I read the book (haven’t seen the movie) and I read this FB post from a former schoolmate last night “Reading Ebert’s review of #TheHelp, 4sure not interestd in seein another imagine-that-white-person-disc?overs-blacks-are-in-fact-human? flick.”
Please understand I am 41, raised in MI, and white. She is same age, raised in MI/IL & african american.
My take away from the book is what a wonderful understanding of a time, in the past, of our history for those who haven’t been exposed to racism. I love the strong characters.
I guess I was just naive to see that people still harbor such resentment.
Are we identifying ourselves from a time gone by or are we embracing the future? Can we let go of racism if it keeps getting thrown back in our face?
It always matters. Maybe not in a way you will ever see on this earth. But the love and the peace poured out beautify. Whether or not they are accepted…..Love is never wasted.
Mary, people do still harbor resentment because they still live with racism. You may not see it in your community, but it still exists. And while I am sure “The Help” is a beautiful story, your friend is right in that it is just another story where the white person is the hero, helping the poor black people. They are still kept in their place of inferiority.
You and I are white, and we will never, ever, know or come close to understanding what it is like to live in black skin in this country. The “time gone by” is still very much the present for many Americans.
I am originally from Colorado, but have been living in a quaint Southern town just outside of Nashville for almost 17 years. While the town as undergone a transformation over the years, many of the longtime residents still have a racist worldview.
A dear pastor friend of ours is black. We have had numerous opportunities to discuss the topic of race over the course of our friendship. He has shared the sad reality that he will almost always get pulled over by the police if he is driving in certain parts of town. He also told me that he would never dream of walking out of Best Buy with his hands in his pockets or he will be stopped and searched at the door. Can you imagine?!
These are things I would never even dream of thinking about simply because I am white. As I go about my day-to-day life, my skin color is a non-issue. For black/Hispanic/Middle Eastern people, race is almost always at the forefront of their mind. History and past experiences have taught them that it needs to be that way.
I truly believe that the majority of white people in this country have no clue what it’s like to live as a person of another race.
That said, I wasn’t offended by watching or reading The Help. I understand Ms. Boof’s perception that it was yet another poor black person being rescued by a white hero. However, I personally felt like the maids were the real heroes in The Help. They were the ones who had to lay their very lives on the line to speak out. Skeeter was just there to help. From an acting standpoint, I thought that Viola Davis (Abilene) and Octavia Spencer (Minnie) stole the show.
Yes, Ms. Boof is correct, the world needs more strong black roll models, both in movies and in real life. But we white people could use a few more people like Skeeter who will remind us that racism is real, it’s wrong and that doing our part to expose it and stand up against it is our duty, especially for those of us who call ourselves Christians.
Wow. The saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, comes to mind. The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease – I don’t feel her anger will further her cause as much as she would like.
I haven’t read the feed but I pick up that it wasn’t pretty!
I’ve just returned from seeing the movie and I loved it as much as I did the book. It made me laugh, cry and cringe!
When my husband and I got up to leave (at the end) a lady sitting behind us was uncontollably crying. She was so emotional that she and her friend sat until the theatre emptied. (the lady was white)
But her heart……was broken!
My husband? Spent about an hour afterwards feeling so angry. He’s been like that his entire life regarding the mistreatment of people of color.
Being from the south….it made me feel shame that I know isn’t my own— but that’s just how this era of injustice affects people. 🙁
Great story. Go Kathryn Stockett!
PS
I’m in Indiana (not the deep south).
You asked a question. A simple, fair and perfectly reasonable question. In doing so, you stumbled across someone who was clearly looking for a trigger, and had no interest in engaging in anything remotely approaching civil discourse.
We learn much from our differences – and I say that as someone who has learned much from you, precisely BECAUSE we haven’t had identical life’s trajectories.
Unfortunately, some of us still have to learn to let go of the generational prejudices we continue to hold. You ran smack into someone who still doesn’t know how to let go, but I’m glad you asked the question, anyway. The world needs folks like you who have the courage to reach out, even if it means getting stung in return on occasion.
You are delightfully Southern, and beautifully reflect Jesus thru your writings, and I’m sure you did in this one as well. I’m also from the South (Louisiana), and am not always happy about the way I was reared regarding racial issues. I have made a point, as a 40-something year old white woman, to raise my children differently, and I see the fruits of that effort. I truly think the answer to the race issue is for ALL women–of ALL colors–to become colorblind, put aside the mistakes of our forefathers, and treat one another with respect and dignity. I’m sorry your were blasted–she’s obviously still very angry about something. Hugs to you!
Robin, I’m a 50-year-old black woman living outside Atlanta, GA. I am sorry that there is so much anger floating around regarding this book and movie! Aren’t we all tired of this? I can say as a the granddaughter of one of the “help,” it is delightful to see the other side of the story being told to the extent that it can be post- Civil Rights, post Women’s-rights. And the vitriol doesn’t make room for healthy dialogue at all. It’s really sad. All I can say is I enjoyed the movie and I’m now going to download the book from iBooks. Oh, yeah. I love your blog!!!!
CathyT, well said! All we can do is raise our children differently. And I love the fact that our generation gets to do that now. Here, outside of Atlanta, I look outside my dining room window into the cul de sac and see my black children playing with the Asian kids five doors down, the Indian boys from the other cul de sac, and the white and Latino children from next door. I LOVE IT. They are having so much fun. They are not thinking about whose grandparents used to work for whom or the color of their playmate’s skin. They are all eagerly waiting to see if Malcolm can now hold his balance on that two-wheeler with training wheels and whether the twins like their new kindergarten teacher. We’re are moving forward…and I’d like to think that you and I have a lot to do with that.
I’m a Black woman, 48 and married to the love of my life, a white man. This topic is an emotional one for me because I too was the granddaughter of “the Help”. The story itself was a beautiful depiction of maybe one person’s story but it was a depiction. There were other things that weren’t said or mentioned because it may have caused the story to be viewed as a finger pointing, bitter movie instead. Instead, the book shows love and grace and friendship and commitment. That’s the part that I latched onto.
No one will ever know or understand what it’s like to be Black unless they are. Differences are still made after all those years in how we are treated and even talked to. I have been in a large woman’s Bible study and still felt all alone.
As an author of a children’s book that is featuring Black twins, Neecy and Nay Nay, I fear that my twin sister and my book will not be given the attention it deserves because it’s written by Black authors. I know of one author who’s books for kids are on the NY Bestsellers list and she wrote mainly about white characters and kept her picture off of the cover of the book. The book, Dork Diaries.
It’s my desire to have everyone come together and embrace one another not because of their “outsides” but what’s on their insides.
I have written and opened up the opportunity for non-Black women to ask questions about what it’s like to be Black in my blog, onbeingyou.blogspot.com
I apologize for writing such a lengthy comment but there’s so many facets to the subject. I hope that what comes out of this movie and book is wanting to embrace and befriend people of color…of all colors.
Just discovered your blog today and was excited to see this post. NOT excited to see the very sad twitter convo, but excited to see you asking some of these tough questions about a book/movie that we white gals have embraced perhaps a little too giddily. Last weekend I wrote up my criticisms of The Help over on my blog: ” Why The Help Isn’t Helpful” http://www.ranchedonjesus.com/2011/08/why-help-isnt-helpful.html. I am sorry that you came under such harsh attack, but the way you handled it was so lovely. Thanks. I hope we can all keep trying to honestly learn, understand and love one another…even when those we are trying to do so with respond harshly.