Spring is a colorful, dynamic season of transition–in the weather, in nature’s landscape…and in my closet. As temperatures warm, out come months-forgotten clothes that can’t wait to go from lifeless hanger or drawer to a hot-blooded body. That’s right, interpeeps, clothes have personality and character and feelings. I’m convinced that’s why I get attached to them.
Pondering what to wear this morning, on a day that began frosty-ish but promised 70s before the sun set, I remembered a pair of khaki’s I got, the good end from a not-so-great Christmas return. Actually, I wanted to wear a three-quarter-length- sleeved sweater (in one of my favorite colors to wear!), the perfect top for a 30-something–70 degree swing; my black pants required heels, so I opted for khaki.
Pulling them off the hanger, I slipped in one foot then the other. Something was dreadfully wrong! My thighs were close to exploding the seams!!! Thoughts raced through my brain at the speed of sound or light or whatever’s faster, simultaneous layered thoughts, not linear or sequential–"These-were- a-little-big-when-I-got-’em, and-I-wanted-them-to-shrink, but-not-THIS-much!-WHATTHEHECK-are-these-made-of???HOW- could-I-have-gotten-fatter-when-I’ve-been walking-two- plus-miles-a-day??Is-my-metabolism-in-reverse???" among other thoughts and words than I’ll spare you now. I was confused and in a state of disbelief.
Mortified and with great effort, I peeled them off…furious that middle age does this to you without advance warning. I didn’t understand how I could be heavier than I was a few months ago, been walking faithfully for the past several weeks.
Usually, I can brush things off like this…not this morning. I was mad and disgusted.
Lingering thoughts of my inexplainable, overnight-expanding hips, thighs and buttocks hung in mid air as I flipped the pants to read the tag; I was curious what they were made of because I knew shrinkage had to have SOMETHING to do with my not being able even to zip them! And then I smiled….
YES!! THEY WEREN’T MINE!! They were my 15-year-old daughter’s!! The words "Old Navy" never looked more beautiful.
And, once again, all was well, inner peace and harmony were restored…and I ate a bowl of chocolate ice cream for breakfast to celebrate ;).
p.s. The last time I wrote about "fat jeans", it was a VERY different story, daggum it >:(………… One of y’all hexed me, didn’t you? 😉
My fat pants are beginning to get tight. Time to start exercising!!
How awesome, I wish I had put on my daughter’s by mistake when that happened to me!
I threw away all my fat pants when I lost some weight a while back, just like the weight loss gurus all say.
I was at LB yesterday, buying fat pants. Grrrrrr!
Cute post! What you said it totally me…this past Saturday when we were doing our Easter egg hunt! The weather was sooooooo nice I wanted to wear some of my LAST YEARS summer shorts….NOPE…it’s not going to happen! Needless to say…Shad and I went out and bought bikes on Monday after work!!!! =) We rode Tuesday…I skipped out last night!!! Who knows about today…it’s been a rough one…I think I will go home and eat bon-bons…lol =) My weight watchers dinner just doesn’t sound good enough!!! HE HE HE
Very amusing.
ok, that did have me spraying diet coke all over my keyboard.
unfortunately, i cannot play the same game as yet. miss i’m-tinier-than-anyone-i-know still wears skinny jeans ONLY in itty-bitty-girl sizes. my right THUMB won’t fit into her stuff.
the indignity of it all….
Which means that in addition to being able to wear your khakis, you also technically fit into your teenager’s wardrobe. How many people can say that?
Wow! I’ve missed 21 posts. After reading these, I’ll need to take another week off the computer. 🙂 Does your mind ever stop? Hopefully, not.
haha;) I’m glad it ended SO well for you:)
I’m smiling and giggling, because recently, someone put my daughter’s jeans in my wardrobe and I kinda flipped out momentarily like you just described, followed by a huge sigh of relief that they weren’t mine afterall.
I must live in a reverse image universe from everyone else here. I swim in my daughter’s pants. I like being in this alternate dimension though…the rabbits here are all inside-out.
Wonderful! What a great way to tell the story.
Jenn
I’m glad for the happy ending! I keep trying to fit back into the clothes I was wearing before baby #3, and it just ain’t happening!
And i’m glad someone else’s clothes have feelings and personality. My husband always looks at me strangely when I tell him that my pants and shirts all live in the closet and my sweaters live in a drawer!
That would make me cry tears of joy.
That is hilarious! I have grabbed my son’s pants before. Oops!
Nikki, I HATE it when that happens!
Lisa, weeeell, my pants in general seemed to have had “shrinkage issues” over the winter…what the heck is up with that?
Sandy, I’ve got multiple sizes still hangin’ in the closet…just in case :/.
Jeannie, sounds like a plan to me :).
Eve, 🙂
Janet, I was just so daggum THANKFUL!
Heather, I L.I.K.E. the way you think!!! 🙂
Robinella, ummmm…no?
Lizzie, me, too..this time…!
TLG, I totally understand.
Min, DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT RABBITS!
Jenn, why, thank you :).
After a cup…Hmmm, I think I’ve used those lines, too.
SHB, sniff, sniff…pass a tissue, please? 😉
Lisa, don’t they zip the “wrong” way??
You must have caught something from your bunnys. Your posts are multiplying much faster than I can get over here to read them.
Fat pants …sigh… just hope you don’t have to ever buy fatter pants. It sucks.
hahahah!!
Cool!!
I, however, had the opposite happen to me.
I somehow put on a pair of my husband’s jeans, and, except for being too long, they fit.
Yep. Sucks.