Sixteen years ago when I met her face to face, I thought she was one of the most amazing creatures I’d ever met.
Not much has changed in the 140,000+ hours since.
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Before I had children, I had a chance encounter with a stranger at a wedding; I don’t even remember if we were married yet ourselves. She was a 30-something mother, and fate placed us side by side. She shared a few stories about her children over dinner, and while the catered meal left no impression, her words seared their own.
Her young children had done something generous and considerate for someone else; I was impressed. I’m not sure my exact words to her, but inside I thought, "Now that’s success as a parent…if we could raise our own children to put others first, to regard them so highly, it would be a job well done." Something to that effect, anyway.
I’m convinced this "chance encounter" was a divine appoint- ment; that ideal found its way into my own parenting "philosophy".
I can’t imagine a mom or dad who wouldn’t agree that parenting is the hardest job they’ll ever have; an approach that works well with one child is most likely ineffective for the others. Teaching, modeling, coaching, and praying for your kids necessarily takes on a chameleon’s skin as you adapt your "techniques" to glove individual personality and disposition.
And when all that is said and done? Your kids are pretty much going to be who they’re going to be…without much help from you. You can’t assume all blame for their failures and inadequacies any more than you can take full credit for their successes and natural God-given giftings.
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There’s a hair-thin line between a mother’s pride and annoying arrogance; I don’t want to cross the threshold to the dark side. I want to see my children–for that matter, all people within my sphere–honestly and clearly. It’s important to recognize their strengths, to cultivate and nurture them, to help them to see what is so obvious to others; to help mature those tendencies that will serve them well into adulthood. A focus sighted too often on their shortcomings is a death-pit of quicksand, pulling them under, and in effect, suffocating them. That trap, I’d rather like to avoid, too.
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A new school year, milestone birthdays–these are the things that render me contemplative and reflective. If you’d allow me a mother’s indulgence, I’d love to share some snapshots of my children; how they’re growing up, how they’re shaping ME.
Soon.
I loved this. My oldest is only four, but I so relate.
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Thanks Robin,
I needed to read that today..I just needed some “mom encouragement”. It seems like all I do is fuss at my 7 yr old. I TRY and TRY to train her into a fine young lady, to put God first, then others..always ourselves last. It is such a struggle. We can have a great couple of weeks and then we move 3 steps backwards!
Oh well, just needed to vent.
You have put this so eloquently and I’m sure it’s something every parent would agree with and aspire towards.
Wonderful post! I feel very much the same about my 2. Thanks for the warm fuzzies.
Would LOVE to see pics of your babies! I just started homeschooling my preschooler today. Lucky for me, she is a very empathetic person, so I’ll definitely help HER cultivate that beautiful trait she has.
I have always said something similar… that if my children grow to be kind, considerate people who do kind things for others, I will feel blessed. My 6 year old can STILL not ride his bike without training wheels, but you can bet that I am proud as punch when I see him help other kids up when they fall, shares his snack at school, and I am told that he is “always so polite.” Some things matter… some things don’t. To me, that matters.
Happy 16th birthday to your baby. I’m sure she makes you proud!
Parenting is also one of life’s most rewarding jobs.
I would love to see them. My baby turns 16 in four months, and I’m feeling the same reflective emotions. I find it an odd time in my parenting journey. How did we get to this point so quickly? And where do we go from here?
ahhh! I am so glad I found your site. You are a wonderful writer, putting thoughts that are so easy to relate to into print.
Thank you so much!
Beautiful tribute, as always. We do learn so much from our kids, don’t we? Happy belated birthday to her!
although I don’t have the energy to do so, sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to do it over again and change some of the things I did or didn’t do as a parent. Well, not some, many.