Don't let their saccharine smiles and sibling affection fool you for a second; these are evil, evil children and I'm quite ready to sell them to the circus.



Justification #1 – The girl {aka "my former daughter"}

My first gray hair appeared when I was 24, shortly after our wedding.  I'm not saying one had anything to do with the other, but it was a memorable year.  Those pesky intrusions were easily managed for years–ignoring them first, then yanking them out a strand at a time–but recently I've resorted to {ahem} "taking care of them" at a lovely local salon.  

It's past time for a cut and color.  Noticeably past time.  Very.

Getting ready for bed the other night, I pulled back my hair, shocked to see the streak of silvery "blond".   Standing next to me, my daughter read my expression (my daughter who doesn't quite understand why I feel the need to color my hair).

With a sympathetic look, she said, "It's okay, Mom.  You look like a distinguished older woman."

Justification #2 – the boy {aka my former son}

Headed to the beach, bathing suit already on, I was coating my body in sun screen.  My son, 12, walked up to me, playfully and totally entertained, patted me on my upper thigh and said, "Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle."

My responses to the above scenarios?

  1. Anybody want a pair of housebroken kids?
  2. Apparently, they'll be shipping me to a home before the end of the month.
  3. Crap!  If they see this stuff, so does everyone else!

Just like "that", I've morphed into "The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe"; I think she was on to something when she "whipped them all soundly and put them to bed."  And, I was re-thinking that whole "teach your kids to be honest" thing until I thought about "The Emperor's New Clothes"…I could SO see them telling me what I "wanted" to hear, right on the day I accidentally walked out of the house forgetting to get dressed.  "Wow, Mom…I bet you'll be the only one with THAT outfit on…!"

Have your kids ever told you the painful truth???  Please tell me I'm not the only one!!

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