If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I’m in trouble.
If you’ll indulge me, can we first look in the rearview mirror?
Way back when, I was a daily blogger, no big deal at all. I would roll my eyes when NANOWRIMO came around, not because I had zero interest in writing a novel (which I don’t), but because people complained about writing daily and I was like What’s the big deal, people?! There’s nothing to it…!
Karma laughed and bided her time.
For y e a r s it went like that. My friends and family were acutely aware that anything they said or did could and might be blogged about them. Sometimes I asked permission, and when I didn’t, well…sometimes there was a price to pay. Those were the Hard Lesson days, and I’m afraid I was too often a remedial student.
One night when I was curled on the pretty chair in our den with my laptop keeping me warm, seeds of change were planted.
My husband asked an irksome question – “Do you really h.a.v.e. to respond to every comment, visit every blog, and comment there, too?”
He knew that was my practice.
It was a silly question to me because of course I did–it would be rude otherwise (I’m Southern for heaven’s sake!). Keep in mind this was ages ago, before Facebook was common practice for anyone not in college and before Twitter was even born.
In the Golden Era of Blogging, we actually read and commented to one another’s blogs.
Interestingly, a blogging friend had posed the same question around the same time, and between the two of them asking, something began to change in me. Their question picked away blinding scales and I eventually saw the truth:
I was a slave to my blog.
If I asked myself, “Do you own your blog or does your blog own you?” I didn’t like the answer.
It held me hostage, this little webular space o’ mine, and she was as demanding as a two-year-old; insatiable for what she wanted, when she wanted it, and that was at least once a day.
I was beholden to her, and I didn’t appreciate that one little bit.
So… s l o w l y …and with a lot of wrestling…I let her go.
Fast forward to now, and it’s clear this is no longer an issue. Certainly, a lot of the time I’m not publishing on my site – instead, writing for another – but most of that time I’m either writing quietly and privately…or maybe not even at all.
This was my way of rebelling against a personal tyranny, effectively sticking out my tongue and declaring YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. This was me taking control of my writerly life.
Bless my heart: this is how I rebel….
I do like the practice of daily writing, detached from an addictive need and while cultivating a healthy balance. It was with that motive I decided to join 31 Days.
Harkening to my daughter’s senior year in high school, I’ve wanted to write an ebook about Demystifying the College Process. We learned a lot going through the process ourselves. Times have changed considerably since my husband and I were high school seniors, and I wanted to pass along helpful hints for parents and their students at this crossroad; the type things I kept finding myself wishing I had known beforehand.
I figured I could knock it out in a month of dedicated writing, offering it free to readers who wanted to follow along, and then, later, packaging it in a pretty format with added content.
But guess what? It’s boring writing. It’s boring writing, and, what have I already established?
My blog is not the boss of me!
So, my sincere intention was to write during the month of October and complete the content for a subsequent digital book of some sort.
I am not a fan of not honoring commitments, even if they’re self-imposed and no one really cares, anyway.
Shame on me.
While I’m not languishing under a blanket of guilt – because why? Say it with me: My blog is not the boss of me! – I do plan to finish what I’ve started. But rather than continuing to post the complete series on my blog, I’ll continue writing the content for an ebook release, and I’ll let you know when it’s done. I’ll offer an additional post or two here in the next few weeks, but the remainder will be saved for the book.
So…your turn. Have I stepped on toes? Does any part of this resonate with you? Tell me about it. If you’re a reader and not a writer, are there other life parallels holding you hostage from which you need release? Addiction is a sneaky master of disguise and I’m curious how it’s crept into your life. Feel like being honest and open? Answer in comments. Need a little more privacy? Feel free to email me at pensieve(dot)me(at)gmail.