You should not…cannot…m u s t not think porn doesn't affect you or your family.
If you think your husband wouldn't look at porn under the "right" circumstances, you're deluding yourself.
If you think your children aren't going to stumble across it by accident (if not on purpose), I'm here to tell you the vile minds who produce it are savvier than you or me and they're finding ways to make it happen.
I know this from personal experience, stunned to discover some of the pages Google returned when one of my children researched a school report on slavery….
How did I find out? Not because my child told me; thankfully, my internet filter reported to me in real time. I marched right upstairs to find out WHAT in the world was going on, and couldn't believe what I discovered, how easily accessible it was…and how it had nothing to do with my son's report.
It breaks my heart imagining those images inked in permanent marker, stone-chisled, branded in flesh. Tender hearts, sweet minds, all but impossible to remove.
Damn them. My response is violent fury lasered at invisible monsters.
I have a beautiful, college-age daughter; I have two teenage sons, one of whom begins his freshman year at college next week. More than sex or drugs or rock and roll, pornography has kept me awake at night, the influence for which I've been most concerned. There are no words strong enough to convey my anger, frustration and fears when it comes to the effect porn addiction can have on innocent minds, on marriages, on families.
Remember the 90s Brain on Heroin PSAs? The one that came after your Brain on Drugs commercial? That is what porn addiction does to your brain…it wrecks it and the people who love you.
Purity is a dwindling commodity in today's youth culture; retailers peddle sex like it's candy. Former tween stars grow up and explore their sexuality in front of God and everybody.
And we just breathe it in like oxygen, half the time not even realizing it.
That's how accustomed we've become to sexual imagery. What used to be rated R barely registers now as PG.
I stumbled across a compelling infograph today; it's actually what prompted this post:
Porn causes partners to bring baggage and unrealistic expectation into marriage. For those already married, it undermines your spouse, distorts love and destroys intimacy. Addiction breeds dissatisfaction and shreds reality…I likely have NO idea the reach of its devastation.
No one is immune from pornography's potential destruction. No matter how hard you try to shield and protect your family, no effort is 100% sure.
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you can to protect those you love.
Check out the source of the How is Porn Addictive? graphic above, Fight the New Drug. Their goal is "to educate teens on the harmful effects of pornography and provide a
free-of-cost recovery program for those who are struggling with
addiction." They're neither religious or legislative which allows them entry into schools. Brilliant.
Protect your computers. We use Net Nanny by Content Watch, one of the filters suggested by FTND. (When I looked for deals on their affiliate page, I saw that you can try it FREE for 14 days, enough time to decide if you'd like to purchase it.)
We just bought computers for our oldest two to take to college; before we turn them over to them, my husband was ADAMANT that I install Net Nanny on both. It has NOTHING to do with us suspecting they're battling a porn addiction; and EVERYTHING to do with us wanting to help make it a non-issue…at least on the computers we buy. Net Nanny (and I suspect) other filters have tools for cell phones, too; see? that's one area for which we haven't been diligent….
This one makes me spitting mad, friends, because this is the world my babies will have to navigate. It makes me nostalgic for the days the Sears catalog was the biggest threat in your mailbox…not Victoria and her stupid secrets.
Have conversations with your spouse and children. Do something to help them help themselves.
You can't afford to stick your head in the sand and think its reach can't slip under your door.
Invisible monsters are nowhere and everywhere.
Please watch this video. If I haven't convinced you to be diligent, maybe it will.
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If you have teenagers and/or are launching children to college, the following may be of interest:
#1 Parental Control for Phones.
View all text, email and multimedia messages. Try Net Nanny Mobile Today!
Affiliate links used for Net Nanny.
The UK government is spearheading a move to have every Internet provider set computers to block porn as a default setting. There will be an opt in option but it will be blocked if you do not opt in. It would be a start. I agree. It is insidious and evil.
Thank you for sharing! And keep fighting!
– FTND Team
Thanks for posting Robin! I’m right there with you…love the image and title of this post because it is a horrible monster!
Robin, once again. Thank you for such a poignant post. And the resources. Sharing now. God Bless.
That impresses me, Linds; in the US I imagine it’d be a free speech violation. Which makes me wanna puke.
Todd,
Thank YOU for what your group is doing! SO glad to receive this infographic; and just as compelled to share it with my tiny corner :).
Cindy,
Maybe you can even share it on your blog in some form? Every person who sees it might pass it on, educating a LOT of those who’ve been blind….
CarolinaMama,
Thanks, friend. For your kind words but mostly for sharing this with YOUR people. Makes me want to scream!
Yes!! People who think it is not a problem are clueless.
I’ve never posted anything but my own pics, how do you get graphics? I would be happy to write something. I also feel passionately about this subject.
Thank you for this! My husband and I are trying to protect our children in the same way, but it is hard to do. Do you have suggestions as to how deal with a society that puts smart phones in the hands of 6th graders? We don’t allow our kids to have cell phones (oldest are still in middle school), but they are the only ones who don’t have them. So all of their friends have access to porn at their fingertips, and they have parents who just don’t want to know what they are doing on those phones. Yes, even the “good” or “Christian” parents. I want to believe my kids won’t see something on their friends’ phones, but that would be stupidity. Any suggestions?
Thank you for writing about this, Robin.
This is such a huge problem! I have seen how it has destroyed lives in many families. No one is immune. Don’t think for a moment that girls aren’t susceptible either! Romance novels are pornography. It isn’t just pictures, it can be words, music, or anything else!
This is so needed. I have a 12 year old boy and like you, this is the thing I worry will tangle him up because it’s just so easy to find. So easy to come across and to become addicted to. And it’s so readily accepted in society as nothing more than boys will be boys and what’s the harm? Thank you for speaking about this!
Powerful and eye-opening, Robin. I’m angry with you, friend. And grateful for your information about Net Nanny.
This is such a huge problem. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I would love to go back to the 40s or 50s a much simpler time than now.
Try watching TV or movies and not see any form of sexuality.
Just working on a college campus you can see all forms of pornography, sexually explicit clothing, & young people doing “it” several times with multiple partners.
I makes me ill too. I want the youth of today to grow up with Leave it to Beaver or Dick Van Dyke type atmosphere. Not the wild & overly sexed world they have today.
My husband and I feel VERY strongly about this as well. People think we’re crazy that we don’t allow internet on the computers in the kids’ rooms. Internet is only allowed in rooms without doors. It’s our job to protect them as much as we can while they’re young.
So when do you let your college age children navigate their own personal lives without having parents oversee every internet search? I am not disagreeing with the havoc porn may cause. It just struck me as odd that your college age daughters have net nanny installed on their computers.
Yea, that confused me too. My brother would have removed it for both of us as soon as they applied it when we were teens anyway, but it would be weird then, and now that we’ve moved out, that would just be ridiculous.
Hope,
First, as I mentioned in my blog, we’ve installed NN for our oldest son and daughter (also on our computers at home); we purchased their computers and we’re paying for their education. As long as the technology they use is something we’re funding, we’ll continue to do what we can to help avoid the issues associated with this topic (not going to rehash in comments). We don’t oversee “every internet search”; there are PLENTY of ways around filters. This is simply a measure of safeguards.
You are likely not a long-time reader of my blog; I’m not an intrusive, hovering mom, but I’m realistic about what’s out there. We don’t micromanage their lives and have always encouraged independence; but this isn’t an issue of independence.
When they assume full responsibility for their finances, I hope they’ll make healthy choices not matter what the decision.
Hi AMarieLaurent,
The industry is a multi-billion dollar industry; obviously not everyone will agree with our choices!!
But they are adults. Shouldn’t they be allowed to decide to agree with you or not? Plus, not all porn is from the ‘industry;’ a lot is free and homemade, and not only by couples trying to spice it up, but by people who enjoy sharing their sex lives and have decent home studios.
I have another question- why aren’t they funding their own computers?
I really hope you deleted/hid/haven’t approved my other post because it took way too much effort to have just disappeared.
I know of a young woman who was seduced by a male relative. He prepared her first by showing her what was, I believe, “soft porn.”