Posted by on Oct 24, 2006 in Aging, Faith, Family, Fathers and daughters, Uncategorized | 22 comments

…and sometimes I write for me.

This one’s for me. Because I want to remember.

It’s not a side often shown “here”, so many distractions…and well, it just takes longer (maybe only for me, I dunno). There’s so much more to “us” than our next post, huh? It’s only when I slow down that I remember that about you. We’re not one-dimensional characters on a page, we’re complicated people living complicated lives, with a thousand questions that demand answers, most of which are rather simple yet rarely easy. Then there are the questions that desperately scratch and claw, hopefully beg and plead for an answer, and you have to choose a “best” option when none really exists.

Introspective today…the following is a result of that. If you’ve read me a while, you know this is related to my dad’s circumstances; if not, I’m including a few posts which explain further. Don’t worry, I’m fine…just thinkin’.

Bookend

Flesh and bone
Heart still beating
Only motion
Breathing, eating.
Prison cruel
A living dead
Mocking laughter
Fill my head.
Revolving faces
Known or not.
Doesn’t matter:
Cold or hot.
Day or week or month or year
Time suspended.
Left, much fear.Coherent thought
Now eluding.
Takes its place
Thought deluding
Monsters lurk at every door.
Mind held captive, wanting more.Always looping, endless reel
Flashbacks true? Are they real?
Footing, sure or steady—Either!
Mind or body, I have neither
Sons and daughters
Are they mine?
Once familiar, now benign.

Time for bed or time for tea
DOES NOT MATTER, can’t you see?
Broken bones one day will mend
Broken minds do not end.
Paranoia. Panic. Dreams.
Nothing ever as it seems.

Holding pattern. Purgatory.
Agonizing end of story.
Regret and sin, confession weeps.
Forgiveness…please? My soul to keep.
Child-like prayers, can You hear?
Silent screams in Spirit’s ear.

Tender Peace
Invade his soul.
Loving God, make him whole.
Glory’s touch. Eternal light.
Radiance, diffuse this night

Balm the heart. Salve the pain.
Lose this world and You he’ll gain.
Forever healed, end of strife
Truth, a person, kiss of life.

Moments of Beauty
A Different Kind of Father’s Day
One for the Daddy’s Out There

If you’re visiting from a Jenny’s “Naked & Free” post, I’d love to hear your thoughts, too. And thanks for letting me “get naked” with you….